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stupidfool
i was the night cashier last night. while i was wandering around, bored out of my mind, i stopped over at self-check. there's a sign-in sheet, where the cashiers sign in and out, and i was reading it. i saw that on tuesday (the good terrie day), my name was on it, right above terrie's, in terrie's handwriting. it made me smile to think that terrie wrote my name on that sheet... and the fact that i was smiling about that made me wonder if i'm sane...

on that real good terrie day, something else happened, too, that i forgot to mention. there were a few jerky customers in a row, and terrie was getting all bitter, and walking around saying, 'i want to get fired. somebody fire me. teena, will you fire me?'
i told her, 'dude, that's not a good way to go out. it's way better to just quit.'
she laughed and said, 'i know... it's just that i can't quite bring myself to do it. if i got fired, that would be great, because i wouldn't have to actively seperate myself from the job... somebody else would do all the work.'
i think about that, and she adds, 'you know, it's kind of like dying... i could never kill myself. i don't have the guts, and i'm not quite motivated enough... but if somebody else kills me, or if i die an accidental death, so what? you know?'
i do know. and so does christine. i remember saying almost those exact same words to christine, and i remember her understanding... does everybody think like that? or are the three of us just a lot alike?

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hmm no I also think like that... like I couldn't ever come to killing myself but if I die.. I die.. nothin I can do about it and I really dont care if I do or not.. and I have a couple of friends who think the same way so yea alot of people think that way.

man, and i rather liked thinking that christine and i were the only people in the whole world who thought like that...

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