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thursday, i woke up really early, so i would be awake when the maintenance guy came. i was on livejournal, and i found a link to a gay yearbook, which linked me to planetout.com. so i ended up signing up, and looking through the personals, and i found this seemingly cool girl, who lives in a dorm at osu (like, a 5 minute walk from my place). she doesn't do drugs and she's not an alcoholic. she's a lesbian, so she won't go flirting with random boys, just to make me jealous. she's athletic, but not completely butch. she's interested in getting to know girls, and she doesn't care if they're femme or butch, either. and, in her small fuzzy picture, she looks a little bit like christine. so obviously, i'm not deciding that she's my soulmate or anything, but i do think it would be neat to meet her or talk to her, which isn't too crazy, right? to get e-mail addresses, you have to pay... but she put her aim screen name in her profile. so i put her on my buddy list, and i have been silently stalking her ever since then. because how do you just start talking to somebody you've never met? what do you say? i'm a bad talker... she wouldn't like me because i wouldn't know what to say...

this got me thinking. i don't think i could ever date a girl. i'm too scared of people i don't know. normal people see somebody they'd like to get to know, and then they go on a date with them and get to know them. if i ever even made it to the dating point, i would just sit in silence, while my head was overrun with thoughts like am i really on a date? and what do i say? and this girl is going to think i'm a dork if i even open my mouth! and i'd wind up sitting silent the whole time. it's not just dates; it's everything. in large groups, i can sometimes seem like a somewhat exciting person. other times, i just blend in. it depends on the group. but when there's only one other person, i can't do it! even with jim, where there was obviously no risk of sexual attraction, i was scared and nervous every time i had to talk to him alone, at first. after about a month, i got over it. jim stuck with it because he liked me... and he saw me around other people... and he's one of the most friendly, talkative people i have ever met. (christine kept talking to me too, but christine is perfect, so she doesn't count.)
with any real girl, i'd probably go on one date, and she would decide that i am the most boring person ever, and go find somebody new. give me 5 or 6 dates, and maybe by the 7th, i'll actually start acting like a person, not a tree, but who wants to wait that long? i'll never have a girlfriend...

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for openers, hi is always good. :)
talk to the girl, say you found her on planetout and she sounded cool.
then you can talk to her on aim without stalking her. and maybe you'll like her, or maybe you won't. gotta give it a try girl. i only had two "dates" before brandi. it was weird, and i didn't really hit it off with either girl, but they were experiences i suppose.
my point is, talk to the girl, you never know what might happen. and besides i met my brandi online, and we'll be together 5 years in june.
so don't wuss out on us, k?

you make it sound so easy... i think i'm going to wuss out, temporarily. sorry...

I'll go on a date with you, with a fly suwwwwwwwwwater....
then even if we don't talk, we can fill the uncomfortable silence by swatting flies...
what, that doesn't that sound fun???? *innocent face*

oh, and then
2-stalk christine
3-give me an ugly pink necklace
4-kick ass at DDR
5-repeatedly go through U-scan at Kroger
6-argue about the meaning of the word intellectual, then go to a Buffy convention
...and I can think of many many more ideas for unconventional dates, but I don't need to because by
7-you say you'll be normal
I guess now we *have* to date...the anonymous person would be so proud, right anonymous person? Cause I know they read this...oh well :-p

if it wasn't for the 8-hour drive...

i'd start with date #1, because fly swatters are fun toys. we could sword fight with them. we could swat flies. we could twirl around in circles with them, and try to hear the air whistling through them. we could blow up a balloon and play tennis with fly swatters.
i'm really not sure how the ugly pink necklace could stretch into an entire date, though. maybe we'd better push that one to #6, so i'll be almost normal by then...

Re: if it wasn't for the 8-hour drive...

Yeah, you're right about the necklace...it just popped into my head...we should definitely do that one later. Maybe I will give you an ugly pink necklace at date #7 as a reward for becoming normal. Or I guess we could have a date where we made ugly necklaces...except that would be lame, I wouldn't really want to do that. heh

The fly swatters do sound fun. I especially like the balloon tennis idea...it reminds me of my favorite toy a few years back, which was those koosh paddles...except I have no idea what happened to them now...

i would be so proud if you two did hook up.
i'm telling ya, it would work. :)

AHA! *points finger accusingly* the anonymous person! Tis you! caught red handed!!!!

Well, I guess I'm game...you've just gotta convince stupidfool, she doesn't wanna drive... :-D

it would work, even with 8 hours between us?

(and who will kill the bugs?)

you could meet in the middle somewhere. that would only be 4 hours for each of you.
there was 1200 miles between me and brandi. :)
i'm trying to play matchmaker here. might be nice for you to find someone to take your mind off your dominatrix marie. unless, of course, you're into that. :)

*imagines meeting somewhere at the exact halfway point, which probably ends up in some deserted field, with fly swatters*

well...at least no one could say it wouldn't be an interesting first date!!!

you never told me the bug story! but then again I never told you the rest of the furniture-throwing lesbian story.

So I guess we're even.

The Stalker Within Us All

D i think you totally under rate yourself. 1st off you aren't a dork BUT if you are a dork thats really never going to change so she would kind of need to like that about you or not right? 2nd you worry too much, yes i suppose that is the pot calling the kettle black but so what. (What is with that saying anyway? I mean I have pots downstairs that are silver and one red one. It wouldn't be very ironic if those pots called a black kettle black.)

Back to the point. I can't say it's easy because I never IM people first. But I think if you are putting up enough energy to silently stalk this girl you should at least say "hi, i saw you on Planet Out." That way if she is not worth stalking or it doesn't work out at least you can find somebody new to stalk and agonize over. My advice always sounds so much better in my head....


Re: The Stalker Within Us All

Hear, hear. Stalkers unite. Stalkers anonymous. National society of stalkers.

Okay, I'm just being annoying. But I can't concentrate on studying when I'm sick like this...bla someone save me....

Re: The Stalker Within Us All

but i'm not agonizing over her, really... i'm still too obsessed with marie to worry too much about this girl... and it's scary, to talk to her... i don't know. i'm thinking about it. i'll get back to you on this...

Re: The Stalker Within Us All

P.S. you can stalk me online if you want, for practice... :-p

Re: The Stalker Within Us All

i tried stalking you online, but i only have a few methods for stalking people. if you go to osu, it's really easy to stalk you. if you don't, all i can do is try and find you on aim, or search for your full name on the internet. i don't know your full name, so i couldn't do that... and when i saw your email address in your profile, i searched for you on aim with that address... but it didn't work. so i gave up.

Re: The Stalker Within Us All

haha yay I've been stalked! (wait a minute, that sentence just sounds wrong...)
Like I said though, I'd probably have to give you my IM for you to stalk me, there's really no other way to do it from just my journal info...
hm, you just gave me an idea of a way I could probably stalk you though...

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