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stupidfool
she didn't mention it to me. a few times, she said things like, 'i don't know anything about it; i've been gone all weekend, remember?' i never said anything much to that, and she never talked about it. the funny thing is that i know it wasn't like she didn't want to talk about it. as soon as tyrone came in, she was talking his head off about her trip to see kyle... so why did she spare me the details? was she really keeping her mouth shut because she knew i didn't want to know?

we were talking about funny people. she said josephine was funny. i said nickolas was funny. she said, 'nickolas is bad, and that's why you like him.'
i can't decide if she's right or not.

i counted tills for her while she flirted with the policeman. then i stayed back in the office while she cashed the checks of the boys who come in every week. she flirted with them like crazy, just like she does every week. and then, when they were gone, she came back and got an anti-bacterial wipe, and rubbed frantically at her hand, saying, 'ewwww, that guy touched me... that's so gross... he wouldn't stop rubbing my hand...'
i told her scornfully, 'you told him you'd go to hawaii with him.'
'yeah,' she explains, like i'm 7, 'but that's just because it's what he wanted to hear. i know that he won't ever have the money to go, and i won't ever have to go with him... and that doesn't mean i want him to touch me...'
after that, i think her flirting with the cop bothered me a lot less. i think flirting is as natural for her as not flirting is for me. when she starts hanging all over tyrone, i'll get bothered again, but as long as she's just batting her eyelashes at the policeman, i go ahead and count the tills, without complaining that it's her job.

later, we're both in the office. she asks me what arnicia's cashier numbers are. i tell her that i don't know, because i only memorize the clock-in numbers. she says, 'that's right, because you have those hanging on your wall, don't you?'
'yeah,' i answered.
'or do you?' she asks, 'i know you did last year, but did you put them up again this year?'
'yeah,' i told her, 'but there's hardly anything else on my wall. it's nothing compared to last year. it's just them, and maxwell, and lil bow wow.'
'and alicia keys?'
'oh yeah, and alicia keys. and snoopy, too.'
we work again for a minute, and she starts singing, 'baby turn around and let me see that sexy body go-'
and i say, 'buummmp! buuummp! buummp!'
she laughs and says, 'you like b2k, don't you?'
'yeah.'
'are they your favorite?'
'no, i like lil bow wow better. i only even saw b2k for the first time when they toured with bow wow.'
she laughs and says, 'people are gunna forget about that little guy. he needs a new album, or a new single, or something...'
'it hasn't been that long since doggy bag. maxwell needs one worse! i love maxwell!'
she says, 'you're obsessed with maxwell. but yeah, it has been a while since his last album.'
'it's been forever! i miss my maxwell! i'm still waiting for an album to surpass embrya!'
she laughs and says, 'freak. but you know who else needs to release a new album?'
'who?'
i'm trying to think of somebody as exciting as maxwell. she says, 'alicia keys.'
'oh,' i say. it's a disappointment, because maxwell is way better. really, i don't like alicia keys' music that much... i thought 'fallin' was a catchy song, but her second single (i can't even remember the name, but i can picture the video) wasn't that great. i think she's a talented musician, and she has a nice voice... but given the choice, i'd rather listen to maxwell, and just look at alicia keys. i do think she's very nice to look at...
marie looks at me, and then she just starts laughing. she says, 'that's what i thought...'
'what's what you thought?'
'you don't even like her music, do you? you like her for other reasons, don't you?'
i get crazy butterflies in my stomach, and the urge to run away is overwhelming. i don't know what my problem is. i don't know why i still get this way. i know she knows. i know she doesn't care. and i know that there's nobody else around to hear our discussion. but still, just talking about it makes me want to escape. i turn towards josephine's till, and focus all my attention on counting it carefully.
'debbie...' she pries.
'i don't know, man, i'm counting this till! leave me alone!'
'you do not need that much concentration. the machine is doing all the work. tell me why alicia keys is on your wall.'
'because! because she just is! because i hung her up there with masking tape, and she stuck!'
'and why'd you hang her up there?'
'because! she's like maxwell. good music, ok?'
'like what?'
'like fallin... and... and...' i really don't know the other names. i'm failing this test... i back away from the till, and away from her.
she laughs and teases, 'you can't even remember any others, can you? so tell me the truth, she's on your wall for other reasons, isn't she?'
i'm scared. i'm nervous. i need to go someplace besides here. i take another step back and say, 'i don't know...' and my voice catches. she sighs and reaches out for me. she holds me against her, and pulls my head into her chest, so it fits just under her chin. she strokes my hair and says, 'it's ok, little debbie. we'll work on it. i'll get you to come out of that shell.'
i'm too busy being thankful that she didn't end that sentence in 'closet' to think about much else.
she holds me tight until that nervous feeling goes away, and then she lets go and we go back to work.

we work for a while. we sing bump bump bump. and then she says, 'i should have had you come over last night. you could have spent the night with me, in my bed.'
marie is the queen of mixed signals. last time i was in her bed, she told me i couldn't sleep in it with her. but now she's saying that she should have invited me to sleep in it with her. is she confused, or is she just trying to confuse me?

she brings it up again. she asks why alicia keys is on my wall. she asks, 'is it because you're bad? are you like terrie?'
'i am not like terrie. don't say i'm like terrie. i'm not!'
she says, 'but you're bad.'
'shut up.'
'why? it's true?'
'what if somebody hears?'
'i'm calling you bad. nobody else knows your language, except for rashid, and he's not here today.'
'just don't.'
'if you're worried that they'll misinterpret it, i can clear it up for you,' she says. and then she raises her voice and calls, 'i mean that debbie likes-'
i dive at her and cover up her mouth and she laughs into my hand. when i take my hand away, she starts again. we go on like that for a bit, and then finally, i stand, tense and silent, and let her finish.
she calls, 'debbie likes grilled cheese!'
you don't know how much 'grilled cheese' sounds like 'girls' until you encounter a situation like this one...

jim comes in to visit, with his new girlfriend. jim is great!!!!
while he was there, i remembered my new toy, so i pulled allen iverson out of my pocket, and showed jim.
marie commented, 'i think it would be great if jim just reached into his pocket, and pulled out an even cooler, newer lego, and your allen iverson was like nothing compared to it.'
the thought of jim pulling legos out of his pocket was so absurd that i had to laugh. and then i had to wonder if the rest of the world thinks that i'm that crazy, for being able to pull legos out of my pocket.

we talk to him for about 15 minutes, and then we go back to work. later, she brings it up again... she says, 'why does it matter, anyway? the world will find out sooner or later...'
'i'd rather make it later, if it's all right with you,' i say.
'it's not all right with me. i don't understand what you're afraid of. what do you think is going to happen?'
'i don't know,' i tell her, and it's the truth. in theory, i'm not afraid. i want them to know, and i'm ready. but when something in real life happens, where they might find out, i'm terrified. i'm not ready anymore. i can't do it. i don't get it...
she says, 'it's not a big deal. look, i know, and i still want to live with you next year...'
'you're you,' i tell her, 'and the rest of the world isn't.'
she just shakes her head. and for the rest of the night, she sings songs about 'debbie likes grilled cheese,' and when that stops scaring me, she switches to 'debbie like grills,' and when i tell her that i don't like barbecue, she switches to 'debbie likes girled cheese,' which was the scariest of them all.

at the end of the night, we go out to her car together, and she has my allen iverson. we play for a little bit, and then she gives him back, and says, 'i'll see you tomorrow, my little debbie,' and she leaves.

it was one of the most stressful nights of my life. every time she started talking about it, i think my hair went one step closer to turning grey. but now that it's over, it seems like a very good thing that she's doing. this is teasing me, and she's probably doing it mostly for the reaction, but it's different from physically hurting me. there's no point to that, but maybe this is really what i need... do you think?

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I'M WATCHING YOU

(Anonymous)
You like this

I know how you feel about pics like this.
I'm watching you!


i think it's more fun to hear about her teasing you than hurting you. and it sounds like you had more fun that way too.
btw, i thought it was pretty funny. :)

see I told you you would get a stalker...and it's a goat! That's the funniest thing ever...hahah....I hope you're happy!
LOL

Be afraid

(Anonymous)
You like this too

I'm watching you too 'T4'
Ba afraid, baa very afraid...


LMFAO....

D, *shaking head*, the coolest people read your journal. How many stalkers do you have anyway?


~Jay~

Army of Darkness

(Anonymous)
Fear us!

There are no stalkers, only goats
Fear the Army of Baadness!


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