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i am messed up. i don't even know what to say or where to start or how to explain why i'm so scared and upset. and i don't know what happens now, either.
i got upset, so i told the truth. i told it to pretty much everybody i know, in one e-mail sent to them all. and then i ran away for 2 days, or a little more, but it feels like a whole lot longer than that.
i guess i have to figure out the long story, sometime. i will, later tonight, or maybe tomorrow. i just have to calm down, and stop crying, and then i need to write it all out. to figure out where i went wrong, or maybe what i did right. i don't know.
the scary thing is that for the most part, they seem to be ok. but no matter what they are feeling, i am not ok. i am messed up.

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so I just came to read this...

I'm sorry you're messed up. I wish there was something I could do to make it better, but I know I pretty much can't. I knew I couldn't during those whole 2 days you were gone, too. It seemed like a whole lot longer than two days to me too...I was worried, because I knew something bad had happened, but I didn't know the details, and I still don't. I guess I will when you type that entry, but even then I probably won't be able to help so much. I'm just sorry...I'm glad you're semi-back now though, and that you're alive and all that. If you'd gone much longer without coming back, I think I would have gotten really worried, but I think if you're still ok now, that means you're gonna be okay.

It's good that at least the people are pretty okay with it, right? Even though I'm sure it doesn't feel like it helps all that much. But I imagine it would be a lot worse if they weren't okay. I know you have to sort through it all, just try not to hurt your brain too much, because I know how that stuff goes.

Anyway, like I said before, I know I probably can't really do anything, but if there is anything I *can* do just tell me and I will try my best to do it. You know my info if you ever need or want to talk, and heck, if you wanna call me I'll give you my number. I guess that's about all I could do, and it's not much, I'm sorry.

Hang in there though, I'll be thinking of you.


I guess it would be bad to second that but well...T4 kind of summed it all up pretty nicely. I don't know what I can do but when I need you you are there if you need me I'm here....the cell is always logged in...


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