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this is what my mom said, in reply to my very long gay e-mail:
Right now, I don't think I can really respond to your e-mail very well. I guess you did a very good job of fooling me.
I do want to tell you two things, though.
First, I love you and I always will. When you used to say that you were going to marry a black man or a Spanish man, I told you that it was OK with me if you loved him, because I would always love you. I just wanted you to be happy with your decision.
Second, the bible doesn't say it is wrong to BE homosexual. It says it is wrong to ACT homosexual, just like it says it is wrong to have sex outside of marriage. It isn't wrong to BE heterosexual. What is wrong is to have an affair.
I love you, mom.

my dad's response:
Hi Debbie--

Thank you for the long explanation - you have apparently put quite a bit of thought into this over an extended period of time. It is also obvious now that your struggles were causing you a great deal of unhappiness that I have been sensing for a long time, but knowing neither its depth nor its source.

I am most disappointed in myself that I didn't make it clear to you that you could talk to me about anything and I would support you and try to help. I am sorry that you had to go through such misery, even considering suicide, while thinking that you had to hide and not share your feelings. Please don't ever put yourself through that again. You can call or email anytime - you don't have to feel like you're all alone. I'm not saying I completely understand the way you feel, but I am beginning to and am trying to understand better, but you have to help by not hiding. I may not always agree with you, but I think I have always respected your opinions. And you certainly have a right to live your life in a way that makes you happy, as long as you don't interfere with others rights (which I don't think you are).

I really have always meant it when I say primarily I want you to be happy. I'm sorry if you've thought I stressed being successful too much, but I really feel that it is part of realizing your self-worth, being able to support yorself adequately, and being happy, independent of your sexual orientation. I always thought that eventually one can't acheive one without the other. And I now know why school has been so difficult for you (academically) - it's amazing you've done as well as you've managed.

There is so much more to talk about Deb, but from your away message I don't think I'll be able to reach you tonight by phone. I'm sorry I am not able to write as much as you did, but I haven't been thinking about this for nearly as long as you.

The most important thing for you to realize is that I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH - always have, always will - unconditionally; and will support you in whatever you do. Please don't make yourself suffer any more.

I also would still like to see you sometime, if you'd like (I promise not to bring any pamphlets). My offer for dinner still stands - maybe you have time now that you gave up a job. Please let me know.

I don't know if I've expressed myself adequately above, and I certainly hope I haven't offended you. Bt I thought it important to respond to your email, even if I hadn't had a chance to give it much thought.

Now a few other logistical things that I can remember: I will still help you do your taxes, but you have to give me the info from your W-2(s). Also when are you coming home for your apt(s) - need to mark it on our calendar? Also hope you got the iron pills - if not, please try again.

Take care of yourself Debbie and stay healthy - that is always important. Hope that your studying with Alana tongiht went well and pays off and that your TV addiction was enjoyable but not permanent.

Remember I love you!


if i could just talk about this, i would be ok. but i can't talk... i'm leaving for work, right now. i get off at 9. my dad is calling me around 9:15. i am afraid...

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yeah i know...well I think the sex thing is because gay sex is bad, so being married wouldn't make a difference...but if in fact they are talking about "gay sex", then holding someone's hand wouldn't count as acting on it...
For now, I think I'm going with the theory that you can be as gay as you want as long as you don't have sex. Then, if I ever decide to have sex or do something approaching it, then I would worry about it then.

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