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marie (t4, consider that your warning)
marie called yesterday morning and woke me up. i wasn't happy about it. i mean, i wasn't upset either. but i wasn't thrilled to hear her voice, and i didn't really care what she had to say. i think that's because usually, she doesn't have much to say. she'll call, and she'll stay stuff sometimes, and then she'll just walk around, or cook breakfast, or watch tv, while i'm on the other end of the phone. at first, i was happy just because she called me... and i'd keep starting conversations, because i hated being on the phone with her in silence, when i could be talking to her... but i think i'm over that. i'm starting to think like christine on this... christine complained that marie was always calling her, with absolutely nothing to say. christine hated it, and it's starting to annoy me too. i could be sleeping, and i like to sleep! i'll see marie at work, or at her house, sometime... why do i need to sit there on the phone in silence, when i could be sleeping? and if she just wants to watch tv anyway, why bother calling me? with the corded phone that i always use, i can't even watch tv with her. call me up and ask me to come over, and watch tv. that's fine. call me up because you have something specific to say to me. or hey, even call me up just to chat. but don't call me up so you can sit there and watch tv, while i'm breathing in your ear. that's dumb.

then i had to go to the bank, to deposit my last udf paycheck. it's in kroger, so i went, and marie was there. she had promised that she would talk to her mom about the apartment on tuesday. so after i deposited my check, she called me over to the service desk, and i asked her about it. she said she had talked to her mom, and her mom had said that she would call the aunt, and figure out what was going on with the scholarships. BUT, the day after that conversation, marie had pissed her mom off, and her mom called her a bitch. so now she doesn't know if her mom is still going to call the aunt.
i hate to say this, but marie is a bitch to her mom. she told me the story about how she pissed her mom off, and if i were her mom, i would be pissed off too. my mom would never stand for it, if i talked to her the way marie talks to her mom. i know marie's mom is overprotective, and she's probably asking the same things, over and over... but still... marie is annoyed with her mom the second she picks up the phone. and even when she says, 'i love you too,' it just sounds evil. how hard is it to be nice to your mom, especially when you know that if you do it right for a few months, you won't have to put up with her any more?
it probably just frustrates me because if she can't be nice to her mom, i don't have a place to live. i've waited too long, now, and all my other options are gone. alana and lauren both have plans. nikki has a place. even molly signed a lease. i'm the only person i know that doesn't have a place to live for next school year... and if marie could just be nice to her mother, i would...

after that, she told me she was hungry, and turned her voice all sugary sweet and asked me to go pick up some food for her and tasha. i agreed, and i don't think there's anything wrong with that... if alyssa had asked the same thing, even without the fake voice, i would have done it for her...
tasha gives me money. marie doesn't. she says, 'your treat, right?'
her money is in the back, anyway, so i pay for it. it's only wendy's, and i figure that i'm always at her house, and every time i'm at her house, i eat her food. and when we go to kroger, she'll buy ramen noodles, or spaghettios, or froot loops, and share them with me, but i never pay for them. so it's ok that i buy her lunch, this one time. (i can't decide if that's rationalization, or if it's really ok.)

i went over to alana's that night, for the season finale of the bachelorette. at the end, trista and ryan looked so happy... on the drive home, i was thinking that i wanted that for myself (minus the penis, of course). i want somebody who is as in love with me as i am with them.
then i think about the marie situation, and i wonder whose fault it really is. i feel like it's hers... but besides that one night, 6 months ago, she's not really been misleading, has she? she hugs everybody. she touches everybody. i know that she doesn't like me as anything more than a friend, and i let myself believe that she might... she doesn't. and if i didn't have this fancy idea of romance and perfect endings, i wouldn't be so obsessed with her. it's just that i need somebody to imagine that fantasy world with... and in real life, she's the closest thing i have. i like that she knows so much about me, and i like that she cares about me, so i feel like she's special... but i think it's just that i've never had a real friend before. my friends have only ever known that outer layer... the care-free little kid... the only friend i ever opened up to, at all, was alana, and i fell for her, too. i need to learn how to have real friends. marie can teach me that. but if i'm looking for that romantic happy ending, i need to look elsewhere.

this morning, marie called and woke me up, again. she said regular greeting stuff, and asked if i was working today (i am, and so is she), and the second the silence started, before she could even get into her tv show, i asked, 'can i go back to sleep now?'
she sighed, 'i guess...'
'goodnight,' i said, and hung up.

the good thing about living with marie is that when i live with her, she won't call me any more.

i think i'm getting over marie. i really do. when i lay in bed at night, and imagine myself snuggling up against somebody, it's usually still marie... but i think that's just because it's easier to imagine a real person than it is to imagine somebody i haven't met yet.

bah, i know i'm back and forth on this all the time. probably tomorrow, i'll tell you i'm in love with her, again. but i hope not.

terrie is leaving, i'm out of the closet to pretty much everybody who counts, and i'm probably ready to get over marie. i think it's time for a new beginning.

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YAY - yes, get over marie! woo! Then I'll throw you "getting over marie" party ... lol

ooooh... now i'll work extra hard to get over her, just because i want you to throw me a party!

Oh no, now I might actually have to do it! I don't think I've ever thrown a party in my life (well at least not after the age of birthday parties where my parents actually did most of the work...)
hmm, who should I invite?
lol :-D

jay, definitely. and i don't think anybody else would really care one way or the other, so maybe we could just have a big three-person party.

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