Previous Entry Share Next Entry
(no subject)
stupidfool
every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you

i feel like terrie leaving is taking a big chunk of me away. i saw her yesterday. i left class early. it had nothing to do with terrie. i left because this very annoying boy has decided that i am his new best friend. he sits next to me and says annoying things, for the entire class period, and he laughs his annoying laugh, and i don't even act like i care. but he's too annoying to realize it. since i don't pay attention in that class anyway, i got up and left. if i go to that class again, i'm going to get there very late, so hopefully, he will already have seated himself, and i can find an empty seat that's not next to him.

anyway, i left class early and went to work early. since i was working marie's shift, i was allowed to get there pretty much whenever i felt like it. i got there and terrie still had 45 minutes left. she was in drug/gm, so i didn't see her until her shift was almost over. but she walked by the u-scan, and i just wanted to jump over the counter and reach out and take her hand. and i wanted to hold her by the wrist and keep her next to me, forever. not so i could talk to her, and not so i could touch her, but just so i could be in her presence, and hear what she has to say, and witness her life. i don't really want to be a part of it; i just want to know every detail of it. i want to be her silent shadow.

there was a slip of paper on the counter at the service desk. on the inside, it had a name (brian) and a phone number. on the outside, it said 'terrie.' she came up when her shift was over, and handed her name tag to kelly (she still keeps her name tag with the service desk name tags). i turned 7. terrie makes me turn 7. i say, 'note, terrie, a note to you!'
i show her and she asks if it's the guy who wants her to paint his kid's bedroom. i had no idea, because i wasn't here when the note was left. she asked everybody else that, and alyssa thought that it probably was. she said the guy thought that this friday (today) was her last day, and he didn't realize that she would be working until next friday. then she started to leave, and i just wanted to make her stay. i wanted to ask her about new york. i wanted to tell her that a girl was hot. i wanted to tell her that she can't leave, because i need her to exist, in my life, to help me be me. it was this funny scary desperate feeling, like i got when christine came back, after i thought i would never see her again, and i felt like my life depended on making her speak to me. so i called, 'is that why you're leaving? for bedrooms?'
she was already walking away, but she answered 'yes,' as she turned to talk to some guy walking by. and that was it, and i felt a little empty. on her way out, she put a kroger jacket on the counter and called, as she walked out the door, 'it's clean. you can wear it,' and she was gone before she could even hear my 7-year-old react.

i think i will ask jane about terrie, on monday, for sure. i am better at talking to jane, and jane is better at staying in one place for long enough to answer.

there's more, but i have to go to work now. i work 5-9, and then i have to be back at work at 5 in the morning. and even though terrie always works at 6 on sunday morning, this sunday, she doesn't. i will be alone.

?

Log in

No account? Create an account