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i am confused. i don't know what i want. i close my eyes and all these people dance around in my mind-christine, ashley, holly, anna... even jim is there sometimes. i want to be straight. that's the one consistant thing in my life. no matter what else is going on, i always want to be straight, and i never am.
on the drive home from my internship today, i got in the car, and 'i will always love you' was still on from the ride up. for some reason, instead of switching to angry music, i started it over. it made me start thinking about christine, but for some reason, jim too. i was crying before i even made it out of the parking lot. i was afraid of driving off the road so i switched to the greatest love. i loved that song when it first came out. i would dance around the house, singing it at the top of my lungs. i can't sing. i couldn't then; i can't now. but something about hearing a song that you love and know by heart makes you wanna attempt to sing anyway. i'm ok on the beginning, the whole 'i believe that children are the future' part, but the second she hits the 'anyone' in 'anyones shadow,' i'm absolutely off. flat, and not just a little. it's at least a half step. i can't sing. taking it down an octave is not nearly as fulfilling, so i go ahead and screech out of tune through the song, and by the time i'm done, i'm too busy laughing at my stupidity to cry.

columbus (and hopefully christine) in 3 days...