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i need to go to work but evil roommate is in the shower and i need to brush my teeth. so instead i will tell you breifly about last night's phone conversation. marie called when i was about to go to bed. she said that she and teena had talked about me that night, when they closed together, and that teena doesn't think i'm really gay, either. basically, she thinks i'm asexual, only when i accused her of thinking that, she said that asexual means you have sex with yourself, like a plant. i didn't bother to argue because i was more worried about them not believing me... she asks questions like, 'but you've never looked at a girl and just wanted to kiss her?' and 'don't you ever just want to have sex with a girl?'
i say yes to the first one and i chicken out and avoid the second one because i'm scared to admit to her that i'd like to have sex with a girl. she wants to know what girl i've wanted to kiss, because she doesn't believe me, and she thinks i'm making it up. i can't say her. can't say christine. can't say terrie. so i just say holly, even though i'm not sure if i ever really did want to kiss holly. she doesn't think it counts. she thinks it was just an innocent kiss, how i wanted to kiss her, not a sexual one. she thinks i have no sex drive. she says she believes me (when i complain like somebody killed my mother, 'why doesn't anybody believe me?!?!), but then she says that i'm just confused, and that you can't love somebody else until you love yourself. she thinks that i have to kiss a boy to know i don't like it. she says terrie kissed boys and nickolas kissed girls. all the gay people she knows have at least kissed members of the oppositeb sex, before realizing that they liked the same sex. and she thinks i have to do the same. i tell her i'm not going to kiss a boy, because i'm bad and bad people don't kiss boys. i ask what else i can do to make her believe me, and she says that when i bring home some gay girl next year, then she'll believe me. i ask where i'm supposed to get one of them, and she says from a gay bar. i say i could never go by myself, and she says she'll have alyssa take me. i say, 'ok.' she says she'll tell alyssa soon. i say ok. only i don't want to pick up some random girl and a gay bar and bring her home, because if you bring her home, you have sex with her, and i like sex, but not with somebody i just met... and i don't think the bar scene is really me. so i don't think i should have to do it just to prove to her that i'm gay... but it frustrates me to death that she doesn't believe me...

evil roommate is out of the shower but won't get out of the bathroom. i am going to be late to work.

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that's really annoying, but you really shouldn't have to prove it to anybody. If you do something just to prove it to marie, or anyone else, that is messed up. If they don't believe you, that is their problem.
If someone feels like they want to do something with the opposite (or same) sex because they THEMSELVES are confused or unsure, that is one thing, but otherwise, why should other people have anything to do with it...it's a personal thing...

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