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saturday i worked 9 hours. the first part was with ashley. i'm getting better at talking to her. we actually had small conversations here and there. she left after i had been there 2 hours, and asked me if i'd mind giving holly a note when she got here. i said sure and put it in my pocket. holly was supposed to work at 2. i got a break at 1:30, and was in the bathroom, with the perfect opportunity to read the note, but i resisted. i would have felt bad. i am an honest person... but at 2, holly wasn't there. and she wasn't there at 2:30 or 3... around 3:15, there was no more milk on the shelf and the dairy kid was gone on his hour lunch. they asked for a bagger who new where the milk was in the dairy cooler, so i wound up stocking milk. when i got back up front at 3:30, they sent me on break, and holly still wasn't there. well i'm only so honest... if she wasn't coming, i should read it to make sure it wasn't urgent, right? i read it. it congratulated her on making out with brandon on only their 3rd date friday night. i wish i hadn't read it. then, holly showed up at 8. she had switched shifts with someone, and i hadn't noticed. i call 'hey, i have a pocket for you!' holly is used to me. half the time when i say dumb things, she doesn't even notice. when holly's around, people laugh at her for not noticing my mistakes almost as much as they laugh at me for making them. anyway, she reacts to what i mean, not what i say, and asks 'from ashley?' i tell her yeah, and give it to her, and that's the end of that. then i avoid her. i never realized what freedom baggers have, and when holly's not around, i don't really notice it. but it's very easy to pretend to have tunnel vision, and act like you don't notice that holly needs a bagger worse than whoever's lane you're at. i did that for a long time, and let the other baggers cover. then she gets a huge order, and the other 2 guys are out on the lot, so i go ahead and help her. it is awkward. things between holly and me have never been awkward. when the customer leaves, there's no other customers anywhere in sight, so i stand at the end of her lane, and she looks at me. i raise my eyebrows and look back. she half-laughs and i say 'what?' she says nothing, and looks away, and then looks back at me again, and the cycle starts over. after a while of this, she starts talking about her classes. this is better. i don't ever think to ask questions, but i'm interested in the answers if anyone thinks to answer them. she's taking some classes similar to ones i've taken, and we discuss that. then she asks if i've talked to ashley. she says we should get along becuase i was valedictorian of my class and ashley was valedictorian of hers. i'm about to say something more when the guys come in and i get sent out to get carts. when i get back in, it's busy, so they put me on register until it's time for me to leave. i'm on my way out and holly's heading towards me. she asks 'you outty?' i grin and say yeah. she gives a little wave, and then reaches one arm around me longways and pats my opposite shoulder. so it's almost like a one-armed hug, but there's no squeeze or anything. i give her a funny look, and do the same one-armed hug-type thing back, and leave. and that's my first day at work with holly. i guess it was progress from avoiding her and ignoring her. i miss the fun we had before...

then columbus. my first stop, before i went to any of my friends' places, was big bear, of course. i used the excuse that i had arranged to meet them at 11:00, and i didn't want to wake them up early (it was 10:30). i immediately headed upstairs to find out if/when christine worked, becuase i wanted to make sure i came back for part of it. jim was in the break room. i stammer 'i... uhhh... need to check molly's schedule to see how late she was up last night...' so he looks at the schedule for me to help find molly. christine has the day off today. that is the worst news i have seen in quite a long time. jim finds molly on the schedule, and then follows me around the store while i waste time. after about 10 minutes of him following me, and me trying to answer while my poor mind is still suffering from the realization that i'm not going to get to see christine, he gets called to help with a truck, and i wander on my own. i go through marie's line and she is friendly, which is a small consolation. anthony is happy to see me. and i joked with jeff.

gotta go.