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i have to get to bed because i'm tired and i work early tomorrow, but i want to say this so i can think about it later. at work today, before teena proposed to me, alyssa was there. i noticed something a little strange... i'm acting like i like alyssa... i mean, she might not notice it. probably nobody notices it. but i do... i'm the same way with her that i was with christine, and then terrie, and then marie... when she's around, i gravitate to where she is, and i don't want her to leave, and i want her to talk to me... it's like she's my latest obsession, except for that i swear she's not. i don't have a crush on her. i don't like her like that. i think the way i'm acting has something to do with her knowing that i'm gay and not caring, and something to do with the possibility that she could take me to a gay club sometime, and something to do with the very off chance that she could wind up being my link to terrie. but i don't really know. i'm tired. i'll think more later.