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on the way back to marie's, this song came on the radio. you know, that cliche. you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. i was in the back seat while pinky hung on marie and marie flirted back. and i sat there alone and wondered if i should be thinking that. like i'm playing russian roulette or something. which will happen first? will she give up on me or will i realize what i'm missing? i think it will be one. after tonight, i feel like i can't go here and stay here, but i still feel like i need to be going here for now. i don't know. just everything is really messed up. i have to go to bed now, to wake up to drive to calling hours. i will get less than 4 hours of sleep.