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everybody rejoice (and provide opinions)...
stupidfool
this is an entry that has nothing to do with marie, insanity, or gayness.

i went to make tacos for dinner tonight. yesterday, i took some ground sirloin down from the freezer. today, when i opened it and went to dump it in the pan, i noticed that it expired 5 months ago. i knew that freezing meat was supposed to extend the life of it, but i didn't know if meat in the freezer kept indefinitely, or if freezing it only extended the life of the meat by a few months. i called my mom to find out. she wasn't home.

i really wanted to make some tacos. i had planned this as part of my evening, and now i was really hungry... but i was afraid to eat it without having received the ok from somebody who knows more than i know. i tried to think of a way to find out. i thought about posting to ask_me_anything, but i really wanted an instant response, without having to sit around and hit refresh every few seconds. i checked my aim buddy list window, but everybody who had a chance of knowing was either not online or away. i tried to think of somebody i could call, but cindy never cooks... alana buys food the afternoon that she plans to cook it, so i didn't think she would know about meat. i wished t4's roommate was still around... most of the people my age just don't cook much. so i tried to think of another mother-type person to call. the first one to cross my mind was jane, but i call her enough (and might need to call her in the future) because of my crazy thoughts that i didn't want to bother her with something as unimportant as this. i know katie's mom's phone number by heart, and i thought of calling her, but i haven't talked to katie or her mother since my grandpa died several months ago, so that might be weird... and then i remembered my grandma. she gets excited when i call, and she would know. i would call her.

so i did. the second i said hi, she was thrilled, and she said, 'oh, debbie, i'm so glad to hear from you, how are you, how's the roommate situation, etc, etc.'
i chatted with her for a little bit, and she sounded so happy to be talking to me that i hated to make it seem like the only reason i called her was because i couldn't think of anybody else who would know the answer to my stupid meat question. so instead of just flat-out asking, i played it up a little bit. i said, 'nana, i actually called because i had a question about cooking, and i was thinking to myself, now who do i know that can cook? and then i realized, nana is a great cook! she knows everything about that sort of stuff, so i called you to find out..'
she interjected something humble, like that she wasn't a good cook, not compared to my mother. instead of saying, 'well, yeah, that's why i called her first,' i said, 'awww, nana, i don't know... every time i'm at your house, you cook some pretty good stuff!'
she seemed all happy, and said something like, 'thank you, dearie...'

anyway, she answered my question, i chatted a little longer, and then i made and ate my tacos. but now i'm thinking... is that a bad way to be? i feel a little bit dishonest, for making my grandma think that she was the first person i thought to call... i mean, i spent a good 10 minutes with my meat halfway in the pan, trying to figure out who to call. i thought of katie's mom, who i haven't talked to in months, before i thought of my own grandmother. but the second i had my grandma on the phone, i made her feel like she was number one, and she was the first and best person i thought of... it makes me feel a little bad, like i'm like marie with the way i manipulate people, like i'm sort of slimy and sneaky and deceitful...
but what else would i have done, just got straight to the point like i didn't even care about her, and just wanted to cook my meat? that would have made her feel bad, and i like my grandma, i liked talking to her, and i don't want to make her feel bad.
i could have not called her, and just put the meat away to wait until my mom could answer me, but that seems stupid... once i thought of my grandma, i knew that she would know the answer, and that she would be thrilled to hear from me, so if it would make us both better off, it would be dumb to not do it...
so what do you think? was that a bad/dishonest/slimy thing to do?

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i dont think it was bad or dishonest. if you didn't care about her straight foward and to the point would be okay. but you do care about her and her feelings and you knew it would hurt her feelings if you were just all blunt and rushed. so you got what you needed without hurting her feelings and made her happy with your call all at the same time.

everybody manipulates. the trick is that you are supposed to have enough deceny not to use your powers of persuasion for evil.

Stop being so hard on yourself...


~Jay~

do you really think that everybody manipulates? if i believed that, i would probably feel better about myself, but i feel like there must be some really nice people, maybe the religious ones or something, who are just nice to be nice and never try to get anything for themselves out of it... and if one of them met me, i feel like they would look down on me for only faking my niceness, and i don't want to feel like i'm just faking it... i want to really be a good person.

everybody manipulates ESPECIALLY the religious ones. One of the biggest forms of manipulation is guilt. Religion works from and builds on guilt. I am not saying it is right or wrong. It just is. In your life if you look back you have manipulated people, more than just granny, it just never dawned on you as manipulation. You have a heart D. Manipulation becomes wrong when people without a heart persuade and influence others for no apparent reason than their own gain.

If I called up your granny and started sweet talking her and acting like I cared just so I could see her something - that in my opinion is wrong. Because I have no internal feeling or thought in regards to her feelings my actions are towards one end - the sale. Your actions were towards the end of getting your answer and making your granny happy in the process because you didn't want her to feel sad and used. There is a difference.

And within that difference lies the simple logic of life.

STOP TORTURING YOURSELF!

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