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ironic, huh?
for years, i got innocent little crushes on girls. i was young, and these crushes had nothing to do with sex... i was just attracted to them, and wanted to talk to them, and get to know them. when they talked to me, it made me happy. i got so frustrated, though. i hated myself, and i hated my life, and more than anything in the world, i wanted to feel that way about a boy. it seemed so unfair that all these straight girls would never return the feeling... i prayed that i would get a crush on a boy. but for 18 long years, i fell for girl after girl after girl...

now that my crushes on girls have started becoming productive (i.e. i actually know lesbians) and have turned from innocent to sexual, my wish has finally been granted! after 18 years of wishing, i had given up... and then, out of nowhere came these crazy feelings for stacy copeland. i finally met a boy that i can't stop thinking about! he's the highlight of my entire night - hell, he's the highlight of my entire week! this would be a dream come true... if he wasn't gay! but he is, and liking him should wind up being just as frustrating as liking the millions of straight girls before him... somewhere, some evil twisted genie is laughing at me...

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This is the first post of yours I read...that sucks about liking a boy who is gay. All I can think of is Chasing Amy (just watched it).

i've never seen chasing amy, but everybody keeps telling me i should watch it...

You should, it's awesome.

My very first relationship was with a girl. I was really boyish and she was girly- and we treated one another like boyfriend and girlfriend. It was quite confusing but felt right, because we had grown up together and were very close. I added you- I like long entries, sometimes mine get pretty long too, and I always comment when I can. I actually read what people write and am interested in it. You are from Columbus- I have a best friend who is going to the school of art and design in Columbus right now. That's cool.

i added you, too. i always read what all my friends write, and i'm usually pretty good about commenting when i have something to say.

i have a freind at the school of art and design, also... she's a great artist!

It seems like you're someone I can really relate to. The innocent crushes that you used to have on girls could describe the crushes I used to have on guys. And how I wished that I could have a crush on a girl like that. And now I've met so many amazing gay guys, and its turned *quite* sexual. Not real sexual yet, but definitely there's...possibilities let's say?

But I'm sorry that the first boy you've had a crush on has turned out to be gay. I always think it's ironic, the way that life works out all of the time, if you understand what I mean by that.

yeah, i know what you mean by there being sexual possibilities... that's really what i mean by my sexual crushes, because it's not like i've suddenly started having sex with every lesbian i meet. it's just that before, the crushes were real innocent, and i just wanted to spend time with them and be with them, but now, when i crush on a girl, i still want to spend time with her, but i'm also always thinking of how sexy she is, and how much i like her body...

hey i added you can you addme back? thanks!

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