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stupidfool
an apartment is a lot more work than living in the dorm. today, lauren, molly, alana, and i went shopping for stuff. we spent way more money than i would have liked to spend, and we didn't even buy groceries. i think this is going to be tough. i think living with just molly would work out great. we are both laid-back slobs. we like to spend the least money possible. lauren and alana, on the other hand, will buy superior brand milk, even if the store brand is way cheaper, just because of the name brand. there's just a lot of little differences between the two of us and the two of them. lauren had to take off early though, and alana had to be back by the time her boyfriend got back, just in case he wanted to hang out with her tonight. when it comes to discussing serious stuff and analyzing things, alana and i are a lot alike, but when it comes to day-to-day living, me and molly work a lot better together. alana is attatched at the hip to her boyfriend. molly and aaron are much more laid-back. i would like to think that if i ever had a boyfriend (well, or girlfriend), i would be like that.

anyway, with the two of them gone, molly and i went to the grocery store. we are quick shoppers. we see which is the best deal, and then we buy it. we don't analyze forever, and we don't jump from section to section. alana and lauren make a list, and then find the items on the list in the order they wrote them down, regardless of the layout of the store. we went to big bear (of course). teena and michelle were behind the desk. i felt a little better than i did yesterday becuase at least i recognized them, but i would have rather seen christine...

molly and i had half a cart when marie came down the aisle we were in. she exclaimed 'loser! when are you coming back?' i told her tomorrow. she asked if i worked tuesday, and i said "no. monday, wednesday, friday, saturday." she told me she'd see me friday and saturday. she looked happy to see me, and that made me happy.

then molly and i were almost done when i hear my favorite voice over the intercom, telling ann that she has a phone call on line 2. i tell molly 'that's christine!' she laughs and agrees.

we finish up and head back up front, and as we turn into an aisle to go up, i see jim at the other end of the aisle. he doesn't see me, and i stop dead. i start to back up, but molly rolls her eyes and grabs the other end of the shopping cart i'm pushing and pulls it up the aisle. she lets go when we're about halfway up the aisle, and i'm working hard at having a normal conversation with molly and acting like i don't notice jim. i want him to notice me first and say something, so i don't have to decide what to say. he doesn't say a thing, if he notices me at all, so when i'm right in front of him, i finally say cheerfully 'geez, who's this guy blocking the whole aisle?' he looks up, gives me an almost-smile, and says in a rather depressed tone, 'oh, hi loser.' i smile and say hi, but keep pushing the cart. i expect him to say something else, but he just turns back to stocking, like that's all he has to say to me. so i push a little faster and get out of there. i don't understand. even after i told him i couldn't date him, he continued emailing me just like normal. i would have thought that if he wanted to quit associating with me, he would have quit emailing me too, or at least acted more distant. why does this have to be so hard? if he doesn't want to be my friend, he could just say so, and if he does want to be my friend, why's he so moody? guys always complain about girls being like that, but i swear his mood swings are worse than any girl i know.

the lines were long. molly and i have a method for picking a line. you don't really go by how long the line is. you go by who the cashier is. our choices were helen, trent, or some girl i didn't know. helen's line looked shorter, but helen is one of the slowest cashiers there. we went with trent, but checked to see where we would have landed in the other two lines. it's a game to us, and we like to learn from our mistakes. i spotted christine, way at the other end of the front end. i know she didn't see me. i didn't look for her again. it's easier to pretend you don't see somebody when you really don't see them, and i didn't want to be responsible for saying something to her first either. i'm not so good with initiating conversations... so it really was a surprise when i heard her voice from the other side of me crying 'loser!' i look over, and she's coming at me with a big smile, a pile of folders in one arm, and her other arm is outstretched. she exclaims 'i missed you!' the fact that she was putting her arm around me as she said this really fogs up my memory of what i said. i think i stammered something about missing something too. i think i actually said 'i miss you too,' but there are no guarantees... i don't really know what i'm supposed to do, so i kinda put my arm around her too, for a second, and then i let go and she does too, and asks 'are you glad to be back?' i reply emphatically 'yeah! don't EVER get a stupid internship! they stink!' she laughs, just like she always used to, and i am happy. still laughing, she says 'awww loser, i'm glad you're back too.' then she walks away with the folders, shaking her head and mumbling something about how this (working with me) is going to be fun. things are going crazy in my head. christine TOUCHED me! she missed me! she TOUCHED me! she's glad i'm back! and did i mention that she TOUCHED me? her arm was around my shoulder. it happened so fast that it hardly even registered enough to feel good, but it doesn't matter becuase she TOUCHED me! it gives me all this energy, and i can't stay still. i climb up on the cart, and sit in the baby seat for a moment, and then get back down and climb on the other end. i boost myself up on the end of the belt. i go back to climbing on the cart. if alana were here, she would probably be embarassed and tell me to stop acting like a little kid. molly doesn't care. jim says over the speaker 'loser, intercom line one.' i pretend to not hear it. molly looks at me. i feel funny picking it up when i haven't worked here in 3 months. he could easily think i didn't hear, right...? she shrugs and we unload the groceries. he doesn't call again. trent says hey to us and rings us up. helen spots me and smiles and waves. molly and i check the other two lines, and we made the best choice. we congratulate each other and leave. we pass jeff on the way out, but he's turned the other way, so i guess i won't talk to him til i work with him. that's ok. christine fucking TOUCHED me! she put her arm around me! how could anything not be ok, after that happened?

anyway, other than that, i just worked on organizing my room. i will organize til it's clean, and then after about a day, i'll start making a mess that won't get cleaned up again until i move out. when i look at it that way, it seems pointless to even bother to organize, but for some reason, i'm doing it anyway. tomorrow i'm supposed to get up early and go book shopping with alana and her boyfriend. it's after 3:30 a.m. i doubt i'll wake up. oh well. i'm sure those two will be fine without me. i just have to make sure i'm up in time for work. i don't know who i work with. i know christine, marie, and jim all have the day off. i also know that the people at the service desk til close are both new people. hopefully i'll know somebody there... but if not, i'll still see christine on wednesday. christine TOUCHED me!!!