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stupidfool
i went to work. molly needed to pick up a few things at the store anyway, so she gave me a ride there. we were walking towards the door when christine and teena came out for break. christine put both hands above her head and gave me a huge smile, and teena exclaimed 'loser!!' i grinned and said 'hey!' christine said emphatically 'we're so glad you're back!' i don't know how to answer that. i say 'thanks...' and wonder if that was a dumb thing to say. me and molly kept walking, and molly just laughs. she comments 'christine really missed you, huh?' i feel good inside. i don't know why, but it sure seems like she really did.
i'm supposed to work four and a half hours with christine today. i watch her. for a long time, i run register without looking at what i'm doing becuase i'm too busy looking around, keeping an eye on christine and on everything else too, so it doesn't seem like i'm staring at her. i don't even know how it's possible for somebody to be so hot... it's only been like 10 minutes when i can see her mood change. she's in a bad mood again. i hate it when christine's in a bad mood. she's not as nice to me and i feel scared. they had me fill out some form to put me back in the system. i had to give a bunch of stuff i didn't know, like my hire date, hours worked, and how much i get paid/hour. i took it up to the service desk to ask and christine was the only one there. i told her 'i don't know the answers.' she told me to put 20+ for hours worked, since i'm not full-time but working more than part-time. she asked 'you don't know how much you make an hour?' i told her no. i really don't. i've never paid any attention. she said she'd take it and have jane do the rest. then my eyes continued to follow her for a while, and i looked away for a second. when i looked back, she was gone and she never came back. it wasn't even an hour. i wonder why... i hope she's ok... i wish i didn't care so much...

jim was there. he called me over the intercom. i picked it up in the middle of an order becuase there were no breaks in the lines. we were busy. he asked 'do you want to take a break sometime?' what kind of question is that? of course i want to take a break. i can't work 8 hours without a break... so i say 'yeah, i'm going to take a break sometime.' he says 'no, i meant like, do you want to take a break with me?' up until he asked that question, i would have wanted to take a break with him. he makes my breaks more interesting. but when he turns it into a formal invitation, all of a sudden jim sneaking up to take a break with me seems like a date, and i don't want it any more. of course, i don't say that. i say 'umm, sure.' he says ok, call him when i get my break. he's supposed to leave 15 minutes after i'm due for my break. i pray they forget to give me my break on time... i don't want to call him and invite him on my break... what was wrong with the way he did things before? billie tells me to close off right on time. fuck. but then jane comes over and says she knows i'm due for a break, but would i mind running tisha's break, and right after that, i can take mine? i tell her that'd be great, and mean it. she looks at me funny. i'm used to it. tisha's late coming back, and jim comes over while i'm still running for her and says 'well, i'm leaving now,' and then proceeds to talk to me for 5 more minutes. i hate talking to other people while i'm ringing up customers. i feel rude. so i let him talk, and still feel rude, even though i'm only half-listening.

a new cashier comes in later. her name is alyssa, and she's probably college-aged. i took over for her break, and that's all i said to her all night. she's sorta hot. the guys seemed to like her. i'm not good at talking to people, especially people i don't know.

i wonder if christine still smells good... i would have thought i should have noticed it when she TOUCHED me, and i didn't. i hope she didn't lose her smell. i hope she's ok. i hope she comes to work tomorrow. i'm pathetic.

classes start tomorrow. i have one class, and molly has it with me. i hate classes. i hate it already and i haven't even been there. i work tomorrow and i don't really want to do that either. life sucks. this feels way too much like last year, and last year sucked. something needs to change. i am not happy...

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