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dude, what if i get it??
so i never told you why i've been going crazy over religion lately, but i just thought of something that might make something make sense...

it went like this:
i like girls. that's how it started. like holly (from home), who i love in a mostly non-sexual way, could totally turn me on, just by touching me. and then if i had sex with her, it would be beautiful, because i love her... which is maybe how sex is supposed to be, not like it would be with marie at first, or with sammie, where i just see their body and get all turned on like i want that...
ok, but then i also like stacy. a lot. and when he kissed my neck, that turned me on, too. i like him enough that i could probably have sex with him and not hate it and not hate myself afterwards. (in real life, i would never do it. just bear with me for a minute.)
if he can turn me on, it follows that just about any guy could turn me on, given the right situation, and if i was in the right frame of mind. like if i was getting all hot and bothered thinking about holly, and then some guy came up and gently touched my neck, that would probably turn me on. and then (again, this wouldn't happen in real life), i could see that it could theoretically lead to more. like if for some reason, i was in a dark room laying in bed, getting all hot and bothered thinking about holly, and some guy came up and touched my neck and layed with me and started cuddling with me, i could see how things could get carried away, and i could end up having sex with him. i mean, sex is sex, and if the touches are the same, then the physical feelings should be the same. and if you're separating emotional from physical, then i suppose it wouldn't be that far-fetched, to think that i could enjoy having sex with a guy, if i got caught up in the moment.

the reason that i know it would never happen in real life is because i know that if it did happen, when it was over, i would feel terrible. i would feel like i had let lust overpower me, and given in to these terrible degrading feelings... even though there is no moral guideline that tells me this, i would feel like i had done something that was morally wrong. and i don't think i could ever get so caught up in the moment that i would be able to forget how much i would hate myself afterwards.

but the enlightenment that follows: this, then, is likely why so many straight people think that being gay is wrong. because they can't imagine having sex with a person of the same sex, unless it was a situation like i described above. and afterwards, they would feel dirty and terrible, like they had done something wrong. they are unable to comprehend that for gay people, the situation is reversed, so they just assume that if a girl is having sex with a girl, it's because she's so caught up in the moment that she doesn't care that she doesn't love the girl, or that what she's doing is unnatural and morally wrong...

and then comes the bible. when people talk about how the bible claims that being gay is wrong, don't they refer to some passage about men having sex with men, and how this is giving themselves up to unnatural and degrading passions, or something like that?
because today, that suddenly makes sense to me. if these men were straight men, then having sex with men would be unnatural and degrading, and i can understand why God (do i believe in God?) would condemm that. just like God would probably condemn me for having sex with a random man. i guess that many bible-thumpers aren't open-minded enough to interpret this as anything but a condemnation of homosexuality, but i think that maybe what he's trying to say is not that men shouldn't have sex with men, but that you shouldn't have sex if you're just caught up in aimless lust, because sex should be about commitment and love...

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thank you. :-) i was hoping you would weigh in with your opinion, because i know you know your stuff...

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