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tentative email to jim:


ok i'm sending you an email becuase you are doing a pretty good job of avoiding me and/or ignoring me and/or walking away. so i figure maybe it’s harder to walk away from an email and there's a chance that you'll just read the whole thing. i suppose you could just ignore this too, but i'd really rather you not...

so what i want to say is that marie told me (sort of) why you’re mad at me. she was a little confused, so i’m not sure exactly what it was that bothered you, but i've got a pretty good idea. she said you thought it was immature that i asked jane if you still liked me, instead of just asking you. or that it bothered you that i told them i just wanted to be your friend. i’m not sure which, so i’ll go ahead and apologize for both. but i feel like i ought to explain too. you may or may not believe this explanation, becuase i sometimes have trouble believing that i'm as stupid as i am, but it's the truth. see, i know that if i wanted to know if you still liked me, it would make a whole lot more sense to just ask you. (it would also be a lot less rude and a lot less childish...). the problem is that that’s not really what i wanted to know. i had a feeling that i already knew the answer, and i didnt really care what the answer was anyway. i only asked jane that question becuase i was looking for terrie to give me the answer to a completely different question, but i'm scared to talk to terrie and i didn't want to ask the real question either. i had it all planned out, how asking about you would wind up getting me the answer i wanted (which had nothing to do with you). i guess in all my careful planning, i must have overlooked a few things, becuase not only did i not even come close to getting the answer to my real question, but i also wound up making you mad at me. i did figure out that if you want the answer, you have to ask the question. so i did ask the question later, but not to terrie, and i didn’t get the answer i was expecting at all... but thats a whole other story. and i only told them that i wanted to be your friend becuase i had already brought you up, so they asked, and at that point, i wasnt going to lie or run away or anything, so i just told them the truth. so i think the point is that i didn't stop to think that asking jane about you was rude or immature or anything, becuase in my mind, i wasn't actually asking jane about you-i was asking terrie a completely different question, without having to speak to her. that was me being pretty dumb, and i'm sorry. i feel bad and i miss talking to you and i don't like it when you're mad at me and i hope you'll forgive me.

ummmm so if you're still reading this and you aren't ready to kick me off a tall cliff, you might be wondering if this has anything to do with that time last year that i was all upset and asked you about terrie, since i know that (unfortunately) you hadn't forgotten that as of about two weeks ago. the answer would be yes. you could also be wondering what in the world i'm talking about. that's kind of a real long story and i'd rather not write it anyway, but if you dont hate me and you want to know, i'll tell you the whole story sometime.

i guess that's about it, besides that i really am sorry.


any input? i think i might show it to molly too. she knows enough half-truths that a little more won't hurt, and i really want to make sure that there's nothing i'm overlooking about this email. i don't do a whole lot fighting, so i don't do a whole lot of apologizing, so i'm really not very good at it. maybe i should ask him to answer... maybe i should just forget it... maybe not... maybe i should go to bed instead of torturing myself. i'll have plenty of time for that tomorrow.

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Actually that is a really well put together email and no don't forget about it! Send it to him... also with what u said about u maybe telling him about the whole story later.. well thats gonna get him wondering and Im betting he'll ask u about it... but all in all I think that was well worded and shit.. good luck :)

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