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stupidfool
i had the day off. i went there in between classes with molly to check my schedule and get some groceries. terrie was at the service desk, so i went the other way, figuring i could get through this unnoticed. terrie didn't notice me, but joe-who-liked-christine was right there, and he noticed and screamed across the store 'hi loser! hi!' so i turned and waved and said hi to him, and i don't think terrie could have missed that. i went back to check my schedule and joe tracked down molly (who he doesn't even know, but saw that i was with her) to ask where i went, and to tell her to tell me he said hi. i got 39 and a half hours next week. this is crazy. it's also payday. i should have 4 paychecks up there now, but since terrie's there today, i'm not getting them today. i talked to mark in the break room, and met molly back in the store. we're walking by the front end when she punches me in the arm and whispers 'don't look-jim's at the service desk.' so i look. he is there, and he's talking to terrie. luckily, neither of them see me look, and from that point on, as we continue our shopping trip, i don't look up there again. we go to check out, and we have to walk right by them to go outside. i don't look. molly does, and when we get outside she tells me 'uhhh, jim was staring at us and he saw me look at him.' great. what has just struck me, though, is that he was talking to terrie. i know that i can't be sure about what he was talking about, but what if he tells her what my email said? i don't want terrie to know that. i have no idea what terrie thinks about me. i have no idea if jim has ever told her about the time i asked him about her last year. i have no idea if christine told her that i asked why she asked why i didn't like jim. and i have no idea if jim told her that i only asked jane if jim still liked me becuase i was trying to ask terrie a question without talking to her or saying the question. but if any of these has gotten back to her, and she doesn't think i'm a lesbian, she must at least think i'm insane. and if all three of those have gotten back to her, and she doesn't think i'm a lesbian, she must think i am some sort of insane creature with a strange obsession with knowing what she thinks. i have no idea what terrie thinks of me, but it can't be good... maybe jim didn't tell her. yeah right.

then i went to class and tried to figure out what terrie thought. that's honestly what i did for the whole class. i made a list of everything i can remember her saying to me, and everything i've said to anyone else about her that could possibly get back to her, and everything i've ever said to her (which is not much, since i'm afraid of her). i came to the conclusion that i still have no idea what she thinks.

then i went to a haunted house with katie, her boyfriend, katie's roommate, katie's roommate's boyfriend, katie's other roommate, and a friend of katie's boyfriend who is male, single, and interested in katie's other roommate. so basically, it was three couples and me. i felt slightly out-of-place. we went through the thing and yeah, i freaked out. when i get scared or embarrassed, i want to get low. so every time things jumped out at me, i screamed and crouched down and grabbed onto whoever's legs were by me. i know this is stupid. right now, i'm thinking loser, you're an idiot! but then, it was a reflex. and those stupid haunted house monsters see i'm scared, so they chase me and i run away or run in circles around the group and through the group and the rest of the group can't stop laughing. we finally got out of that dreadful place, and they were discussing the value of the haunted house. they came to the conclusion that they weren't sure if it was that much better than any other haunted house they'd been to, but that it "was worth the price of admission just to watch loser." that means i could have charged them $42, but instead i paid $7 to feel scared and then dumb. ok, so i would never have really charged them money to watch me go through a haunted house... i guess it was sorta fun. and i would definitely rather be there, being scared of fake monsters than sitting at home, being scared of terrie (and jim).

now i'm over the haunted house though, and back to terrie and jim. tomorrow, i work 7.5 hours with terrie and 7 hours with jim. i want to call off. i won't though, becuase i would feel bad. i am going to avoid terrie like crazy becuase i have no reason to talk to her. i don't know what i'm going to do about jim. i'll figure it out when i get there. maybe i'll feel more like talking to him when he's not with terrie. maybe i can get there early tomorrow, before terrie arrives, and make a point of talking to him before my shift starts. i just have to figure out what to say.

i think i should email holly sometime too. i ought to do it soon, while brandy's just given me the address, or it will seem weird. maybe tomorrow after work, if i'm not too busy pounding myself in the head due to the events of the day.