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i want purple skin, i want to die, i don't know
i don't even know. skipped 2 classes. then i worked, for an 8-hour shift. i didn't want to be there. then i came home and practiced juggling for almost an hour, but i didn't want to be here either. i don't want to be anywhere. i am getting so depressed. and i work with christine tomorrow, so i'm sitting here hoping that that will make me happy again. and then i realize that that's a really dumb hope. why should that make me happy? that should end up frustrating me too, and if it doesn't, i'm just being optimistic about things. when i force myself to be realistic, i know 99.9% for sure that nothing good will ever come out of that mess either.

why can't gay people be visibly gay? like be born with purple skin. then they wouldn't feel so alone becuase there would be no closeted gays. every single gay person in this world would be accounted for. they're supposed to be 10% of the population, but i don't know any. if gays were born purple, you wouldn't have to worry about your friends accepting you becuase people who weren't accepting of gays wouldn't be your friends in the first place. people who were anti-gay would see that purple skin and avoid you like crazy, and that would be ok. becuase you would know that anyone who was still nice to you was ok with it. it's not fair that everyone is assumed to be straight. if nobody ever assumed that, wouldn't i be happier? i sure couldn't get much sadder. i'm going to change my major to medicine and invent a purple pill for expectant moms to take to turn all gay babies permanently purple. why do i seem to know the wrong 90% of the population? how do all these gay people meet freinds to chat with online? am i really supposed to tell people? how is that going to help me meet other gay people anyway? why do i even bother to live? is there a light at the end of the tunnel? damn, i'm making no sense. i am so depressed i am fucking scaring myself. i think i'm going to go to bed and hope that maybe i don't wake up tomorrow...