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i'ma try and make this quick. i need sleep awful bad.

marie said she loved me. she was messing with the machine when i was trying to use it so i went up to where she was and tried to get in front of her to fix it and she pinch/tickled my side and i sorta squealed but it felt good and i was mad at me and confused and i don't know.

jim and i had a break together and we just talked about regular stuff forever-no more mention of me being gay, or of the whole harrassment thing. he did say he was really quitting. he's started the paperwork and he'll be gone within 3 weeks. i don't want him to go. and i also wonder if it's just a coincidence that he's leaving now... he keeps saying how he should have left a long time ago. but he finally leaves now, right after he finds out for sure that i'm gay... is it possible that he was just staying for me, and now that he knows for sure he has no chance, he's moving on? it's probably just a coincidence. it doesn't matter. i'll never ask him and i don't really care. i just wish he would stay...

no christine, but i swear to god, rice girl was here. that makes no sense becuase rice girl lives 2 hours away and would only be here if she was with christine, and if she was with christine, christine would have come inside, wouldn't she have? but it looked just like rice girl. and she was wearing what looked like the same coat that christine was wearing yesterday, when she came in. and i wish i knew her name becuase 'rice girl' is just as bad as 'christine's black girl.'

i've been thinking a lot about what's next, but i haven't really come to any conclusions and i need to sleep. so that's all. good thing i gain an hour tonight...