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stupidfool
i woke up. i felt better, i guess. i went to work again, and the guy who was outside when i was upset was there again. (i need to figure out this guy's name, or at least shorten his nickname...) he was joking about calling the newspapers since this was 2 days in a row that i wasn't upset.
terrie was there. i was bored. somebody left a banana. i took some pens and a clipboard and one of those lane divider things and used it all to prop up the banana so it stood on one end. terrie laughed at me and said it was lovely. then terrie was shopping on the clock, but just stacking it all up at the desk and she would pay for it when she was done. she ended up with (among other things) 15 cans of tuna (i don't know what she's going to do with all that tuna). i was bored again. i took her tuna and faced it all neatly in 5 stacks of 3, and put the slightly dented cans in the middle so there were only perfectly round cans on top. then i was still bored so i made them into a neat pyramid. then i discovered that there were 2 different types, so i tried to make a neat pattern without disturbing the pyramid... i was carefully switching a pair at a time, and then i discovered that the pattern i was aiming for now would require moving the middle can, so i modified my pattern and started rearranging again. i had pretty much tuned out the rest of the world and was completely focused on these cans of tuna, when i heard terrie laughing. i glance up from my tuna pyramid and realize she's laughing at me. she tells me 'you're a trip,' and then asks if she can buy her groceries now. i tell her yeah and i feel dumb. i get way too involved on the dumbest little things. like now i think it's dumb to be so intent on a bunch of cans, but when i'm doing it, i'm completely mesmerized. same with my banana statue...
rashid talks to me a lot.
there's this newer girl named erin. she reminds me a little of marie, but not a lot. erin's skinnier and taller and a little younger and she looks more snobby but probably acts less snobby. they're both flirts. marie's worse. i forget what the point was. i bagged for her and talked to her some. maybe that's the point.
and while we're talking about marie, let me just mention that she was there today and said nothing to me. i wonder how she picks which days she's going to be nice to me and which days she's going to ignore me...
by the time i went home, last night's depression was sort of catching up to me again. i don't know where i'm going... i wish i had some guarantee that christine would show up on regularly scheduled intervals. even if i went a month between christine-sightings, that would be ok, becuase i would know that if i just waited a month, she'd be back... but now i go a week without seeing her and i worry that she's never coming back... i wonder if seeing christine would really fix this. i wish i had a bunch of friends and we could sit around and talk and i could say 'alicia keys is hot.' it's not alicia keys. she is hot, but that's not the point. the point is they say 'brad pitt is hot,' and i quickly hide in the corner and play with a yo-yo and act 7 becuase i have nothing to add to the conversation. lots of things that they talk about force me to choose between giving away the truth or shutting up and acting 7. i always shut up and act 7. i hate it. work doesn't affect that. i give up. i make no sense. i'm going to bed.

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