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uh-oh?
stupidfool
today i went to class.

i wrote a big paper that's not due until thursday. i am very proud of me. i have another paper due friday, so i think tomorrow night, i will work on that. i can't wait until the quarter ends...

i had the day off. tomorrow i work again, with terrie.

the big event of the day was molly discovering some lego people on my desk. see, i have lego people and bricks everywhere. i got my legos out one day and i never put them away, and they just keep spreading. there are legos in every corner, legos on the dresser, legos on my desk, and i've even found legos in my bed. but these particular legos weren't just any legos... the one is me. or that's what i call her, anyway. for a short period of time, i carried her around last year and if i got bored, i'd introduce her to anybody around: 'this is lego loser.' (i think this is probably a strange thing to do, but i've never claimed to be normal...) anyway, lego loser looks a little like real loser, or as close as you can get with the limited options they give you. she's got blue pants, a white shirt, and a ponytail for hair. she's got a regular old fashioned lego smile face, not one of those girl faces with bright red lips and long eyelashes becuase i feel more like a friendly smile than a sexy lady. i also created a lego holly and a lego christine. i carefully positioned them on my desk a few weeks ago, and haven't moved them since. holly is sitting, and christine and i are laying down. this is not a sick position, honest. lego loser is laying in lego christine's arms, with her head turned to the side, resting on lego christine's chest. it's the place i would want to be if i was crying. in my mind, lego loser is crying.

another thing to keep in mind. i was reading random journals the other day, and some guy had linked to a lego porn site. if you don't know what lego porn is, that's probably good. i was partly disturbed, partly amused, and i felt the need to share, so i showed it to molly. she thought it was somewhat amusing, that somebody would make a site for lego porn. if you're interested, it's right here.

ok, so now that i've convinced anybody who reads this that i'm absolutely insane, i'll get to the point. molly was in my room today. i was sitting on the floor, trying to convince myself to do homework, and she was using my computer at my desk. out of all the clutter on my desk, she notices these two lego people. she picks them up, keeping them together, and asks 'is this christine?' i look up, see the lego embrace, and manage to laugh and say 'uhh, no...' she says 'oh, because i know this one's you...' i say yeah, that's me. she pauses a moment, like she's expecting me to tell her who the other girl is. i say nothing. she comments 'lego porn...' then she stands them up and says 'look, that's kinda cute. you're holding her up. but it should probably be the other way around.' then she switches them so lego christine is holding lego me up. i choke out another laugh and say 'you've got me thinking sick thoughts, now,' and i reach out and pull the two figures apart and sit them down on either side of innocent lego holly. she laughs and goes back to playing on my computer.

i have spent the past three hours trying to figure out what molly was/is thinking. i can't. i don't even know where to start. she thought i had put lego christine and lego me in a hug. she was right. does she know she's right? does she know that was really supposed to be christine? does she have any idea what she's just stumbled upon? does she suspect? does she care? if i found 2 lego people hugging on molly's desk, what would i think? i have no idea. i really really don't, but i'm a more than a little worried about this...

molly knows i'm somewhat obsessed with christine, only she knows it how it goes with jim. if i want to say good things about christine, i always say good things about jim too. in my mind, they go together becuase they are the only two people who know i'm a lesbian, but i have no idea why she thinks i always mention them together like that. i told her yesterday that i was happy becuase i got to see my christine, but i also made sure to mention that i was sad becuase i think my jim might be gone for good. the only problem is that my overall mood for the day was happy, so maybe she could conclude that the happiness that came with christine was greater than the sadness that went with jim. or she could think that the happiness won out because it was a good day at work in general, which it was. i told her proudly about all the fun things that terrie let me do... i don't know what she thinks. i get myself in trouble when i start trying to read minds... but i have no idea what to think... what are the chances that she knows?