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stupidfool
i really need to sleep, so i'm going to skip the majority of my day...

jim is not gone. he will be leaving soon, but he's got a few more days of work left. i saw him today, but he wasn't working. i'll see again him friday.

at work, rashid and i were talking about jp's return. he was joking how terrie was surely happy, since she was dating jp, after all. we were kidding around, and a while later, he checked jp's schedule, and jp has the next few days off. so rashid says to me, 'i bet terrie's sad, since jp won't be around much for the next few days.' i'm confused and he explains as he's walking away. i get it and call after him, 'ohhhh yeah, i bet terrie is sad.' terrie hears. she asks what we're talking about. he's back with his customer. i'm left to stammer my way through this. i say 'uhhh, nothing.' she asks 'no, why am i sad?' i say, 'ummm, becuase jp's not working the next few days?' she asks 'so?' i look over to rashid for help, but he's paying no attention to me, and is helping a customer. i say 'uhhh.. you're.... dating jp?' she says no she's not. i say i know. she is probably a little confused, but i think she's a little upset too. she says, 'don't go saying that. i'm not dating him. don't spread rumors about me. i don't spread rumors about you, do i?' i shrug, and i don't know what to do, so i point to rashid and say 'he said it... i'm just agreeing so i don't have to disagree.' then i get a customer, which provides me with a nice escape. when rashid goes over there, i think he gets a mini-lecture too, but he goes home for the day before i talk to him again. i feel a little guilty... i don't want her to be mad at me. i wasn't seriously telling people she was dating jp like i believed it... it was just me and rashid, and we both knew it wasn't true. i worry for a while that she hates me, while i wander around the front end. i wander by her once and she holds up a pack of ramen noodles and asks 'do you like these, loser?' i'm far away so i squint and wrinkle my nose and walk closer to see them. she laughs and says 'nice face.' i tell her yeah, i like them not cooked. she asks if i'm serious, and when i say yeah, she laughs and says, 'that's bad for your teeth, kid!' i tell her that they've got to be way better for your teeth than raw spaghetti noodles, or anything like that. she asks if i eat those raw too and i say yeah. i do. i don't like cooked pasta, but i'll eat raw noodles all day. ramen noodles are the best though. they're way more flavorful than regular noodles. anyway, she just laughs at me, but i feel like this conversation is a peace offering, so i'm not so worried.

fast-forward through a lot more work, the longest game of trivial pursuit ever, and a lot of eating, and we get to the time molly arrives home from the night shift. she's discussing stuff that she discovered today at work, and all i have to share is that i've discovered that you shouldn't let terrie hear you talking about her dating jp. molly is confused so i explain, and when i'm done, she asks 'so wait, terrie is bi, right?' i say no. i want to continue, but i hate this word. i say 'she's,' and i can't make it come out. i try again. 'she's...' still, i can't say it. so i pretend that i just forget the word i'm looking for, and wave my hand and say 'she's all the way on the other end. what do you call it?' molly offers, 'lesbian?' i can't stop the shudder that takes over my body when i hear that word. i think molly notices. i say 'yeah,' and then, to explain the shudder, i mumble something like 'that sounds mean, doesn't it?'

we move on to another topic. i am mad at myself becuase i think that was a very gay way to act, and i'm afraid she might be starting to suspect, if she didn't already. i don't know. i need to sleep though, becuase i have a few finals to study for this weekend, and i work both saturday and sunday.