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stupidfool
i woke up 22 minutes before i had to be at work. i made it there only 5 minutes late. i was proud.

it was an early shift, so it was rather uneventful for most of the day.

on my second break, rashid and jim were back there. i think if rashid were a girl, we could be soulmates. it's not like he reads my mind, becuase he doesn't know i'm thinking it, but he thinks exactly the same as me. he brings up terrie, and you know he just wants to talk about her becuase he thinks she's hot. he doesn't know that i'm playing along becuase i'm thinking the same thing. today she's wearing this low cut shirt, and i catch him staring, but if he had been watching me, i know he could have caught me staring too. when i really felt the connection, though, was when we were on break. at first, we were just talking. me and rashid were joking about terrie and jp, becuase they are our favorite topic. rashid asked jim if he liked terrie, and he said usually, but sometimes she gets annoying. i think rashid's face was a mirror image of mine. i could read in his expression exactly what i was feeling-how could you possibly get annoyed with terrie????
then monique came back. christine likes monique. i like monique ok. she's funny, and she can be nice. but sometimes, she says things that bother me.
she's 15. she's friends with a bunch of guys who are in jail, she has a baby, and she does drugs. this is all ok. i mean, it's not ok, really, but any one of those things, or even all of them together could be ok.
jail: sometimes bad things happen to good people. sometimes good people do stupid things. christine was in jail for a few days, and i still think she's the greatest thing in the world. i talk about her all the time, not because she went to jail, but because she's christine, and i like her in spite of the dumb thing she did to wind up in jail. if one of my friends went to jail, i would still like them. chances are i wouldn't approve of what they did to end up there, but i wouldn't stop being friends with them. so i don't really have a problem with monique having friends in jail.
the baby: she had the baby when she was 13 or 14. in my humble opinion, that's way too young to be having a baby or having sex. but i guess stuff happens... lots of people do that... in this day and age, that's nothing. i don't know if i'm pro-choice or pro-life or what, but i have to give her a little respect for at least being responsible enough to have the baby. i don't think she should be proud of herself, but i'm not going to dislike her becuase she had a baby.
the drugs: personally, i don't think doing drugs is a good thing, but i'm not going to dislike somebody if they like to do them. aaron does drugs. hell, aaron's a dealer. he does drugs becuase he likes the way they make him feel, and he deals so he has money to support his addiction. i've been brought up to hear this about aaron, and automatically think he's bad. but he's not. really, he's a nice guy. he doesn't go around bragging about it, and he doesn't even dress the part. he doesn't do it to be cool; he does it becuase he likes it. he's a great guy, and he makes molly happy. how can i dislike him as a person becuase of what he does in his spare time?
so even if you put all of these together, it's not necessarily reason enough to be bothered by monique. my problem with monique is that she seems to think this is all cool. she brags about having friends in jail, doing drugs, and the fact that she had a baby. it's not like it fits into casual conversation, and it's not like she just happens to be talking about her friends, and then happens to mention they're in jail. she brings them up just so she can tell us they're in jail. same for the drugs. it's not like she's talking about what she did last night, and the fact that she was high comes up. she'll start a conversation just to tell us all about the illegal drugs she's done. and her baby-i don't even know it's name! all the time, she'll tell us that she has a baby, and how she was pregnant, and how she was soooo young to be pregnant, and how her parents were going to kill her, but she never once discusses the actual baby. she doesn't care about the baby itself; she just thinks it's cool to be able to tell people how young she was when she had it...
there has to be a happy medium. it would be bad to be ashamed of your friends and your baby, and to feel like you had to hide them. you shouldn't refuse to discuss them just because they're in jail, or because you had it when you were 13. but you shouldn't discuss them because they're in jail and because you had it when you were 13. you should discuss them because they're your friends, and because it's your baby. that's not what she does, and that's what bothers me about her.
anyway, the point was rashid. monique comes up, and she's talking on her cell phone by the door. when she gets off, she steps closer to us, away from the door, and announces to jim, rashid, and me, 'that was my good friend kyle, who's currently in jail.' that's it. then she walks back to the door and leaves. i look at jim and rashid. rashid asks sarcastically, 'are we supposed to be jealous or something? awwww.... monique, you're so lucky... i wish i had friends who broke laws, so i could go around and brag about knowing people in jail. why, that's almost as good as knowing a celebrity!' i laugh and wish she would have stuck around so he could have said it to her face. jim looks at him in surprise, though. rashid explains, 'i hate that about her. like she thinks she's so cool becuase she has a baby, only she doesn't even care about it. her parents take care of it and she probably doesn't even know if it's a boy or a girl. she only likes it because she thinks it makes her sound cool. i mean, shit happens to the best of us, but you don't brag about it...' then monique comes back, so i don't even have a chance to tell him that i think we share the same brain.
she starts talking about how kyle is in jail. not how kyle is doing, or how nice it was to talk to him. just 'yeah, so my good friend kyle's in jail. it must suck to be in jail. i know a million people in jail... me and kyle are tight, even though he is in jail.' rashid rolls his eyes and says 'come on loser, let's go back up front.' he gets up and leaves and i shrug and follow him. on the way back up, he asks if i believe him about terrie yet. i tell him i'm still thinking about it, and i think i'm going to start an undercover investigation to look into the matter. we laugh.
we both go up to wait for our drawers, and terrie's back there. when she goes to get them, he whispers, 'i'm scared of her, ever since that one time,' and i know exactly which one time he means...

later, i was on register, and a lady asked a question that involved one of our new policies. i told her to go up to the service desk, and explained what they would do for her. a few minutes later, terrie calls me over the intercom, and tells me not to tell people that any more. i say jane said it was ok. she says they can't do that, so in the future, please don't tell customers that they can. i know jane said this was ok. i say 'but jane said,' and then i recite jane's exact sentance for her. she sighs and says 'yeah, yeah, it's ok, just don't tell them that again, ok?' i don't argue, especially not with terrie, so i agree.
about a minute later, she calls me again. this time she says 'i just wanted to apologize. you were right.' what do you say when somebody apologizes? i say ok. she continues, 'we can do that, so it's ok.' i ask 'so i can tell them that again?' she says, 'yeah, if it happens again, do just what you did this time. you were fine, and i was wrong, and i apologize.' i still don't know what you say when somebody apologizes, so i again say 'ok,' and she says bye and hangs up. i feel somewhat triumphant, but also a bit guilty. i'm not supposed to know more than terrie... she's older and higher up than me... i feel bad.

rhonda was coordinator. she had me help justin with carts some. she also asked me (when i was in front of terrie) why i didn't go to bed until 3 and 4 in the morning. i told her i was playing. she asked on the internet, and i said sometimes, and sometimes with my toys, like legos. she stared at me incredulously and asked if i was serious. i said yeah, and tried to defend myself, by describing the working lego train that runs through my room, but wound up feeling 7 and dumb. i talk about my toys with jim and forget that not everybody knows i'm strange... jim is great.

i got off work early today, so i talked to jamie (katie's littlest sister) online for a little. she told me about life at home, and asked me about katie, and i had to tell her that i never talk to katie. then i went over to nikki's place and we hung out for a little. she told me about her new boyfriend and brought me up to date on katie. i don't have much to tell her. a lot has happened to me, and i want her to know about it, but not before i get a real good feel for where she stands... i don't really know how to do that. i try to bring up christine, but to get to christine, i always start at jim, and she always jumps in with thinking i like jim since i'm bringing him up again, so instead of moving on to christine, i have to back up and explain that i don't like jim, and tell her some jim story to show how cool he is, without letting on the main reason that i think he's so great. by the time i'm done with that, the logical progression to christine is gone, and i have to start over at the beginning. i get nowhere, but i guess it was nice to see nikki anyway.

then i come back and waste some time playing gta3. i suck, but it's addicting. i like to steal the police cars.

now i think i'm going to go make some dinner, or maybe play more video games. or hey, those tennis balls look appealing. maybe i'll practice juggling... speaking of juggling, i wonder when christine will be back...