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stupidfool
yesterday, molly and i ran a bunch of errands and i went to bed early so i would be wide awake when i had to work at 7 a.m. today. it didn't work. i was dead tired. i was sleeping all over everything, and resting and leaning and looking as exhausted as i felt. most everybody there knows about me and my crazy sleeping habits, so it wasn't a big deal. amit joked that i couldn't go on break becuase i had been sleeping all morning...

terrie came in 6 hours after me. this is the first time i can remember that she's come in later than me. i'm sure it's not the first time it's happened, but it's quite possibly the first time it's happened since i decided she was HOT. so since i was sleepy, everything happened in this nice fuzzy haze... what filled my head for those 6 hours was the thought of terrie's body. then terrie showed up. looking at terrie's body is usually frustrating, but after spending 6 hours fantasizing about her body, it is 100 times worse. looking at her no longer comes anywhere close to being good enough... i want to look at her, touch her, hold her, taste her... terrie is pure frustration, but frustration has never looked so good.

i needed help filling out this newish form, and she was closest, so i asked her. she showed me what i needed, and then started to finish up the rest of the order (which was easy, and i knew that part by heart). then she stopped and asked, 'you can do this part, can't you?' i said yeah. she commented, 'i'm going to make a terrible mom. i'd do everything for my kids, without even thinking if they could do it themselves.' i am sleepy, and this doesn't even register for about 15 minutes. ummmm, loser? lesbians don't have kids... ok, so they can adopt. but still, being a mom is primarily a heterosexual thing... it doesn't make me think she's straight, but it confuses me in some other way... and besides that, is she calling me her kid? i know it might feel that way, but the age difference between us isn't that big! for her to be my mom, she would have had to have me when she was 10. for the average 10-year-old, having a kid is physically impossible...

jim was there. jim is great. he talked to me a lot. (note: the majority of my jim conversations get relayed to molly. the reason is that i like to talk about christine. if i ever have a conversation with christine that's not related to me being a lesbian, i want to tell molly all about it. and now that i'm partly obsessed (only partly, loser?) with terrie, i like to talk about her too. but i don't want to only tell her about girls. so, nearly every time jim and i have a conversation (no matter whether the conversation is notworthy or not), i tell molly all about it. this is the reason most jim conversations don't make it into here. it was interesting, but not so interesting that i feel it necessary to recount it twice. once is enough.)

terrie was looking through this magazine of recipies. all the food looked... grown-up. mature. gourmet. she was pointing at different things and talking about them, and i was the only one around, so i thought i should say something. my 7-year-old wrinkled my nose and said, 'that's old people food.' she asks, 'what do you think i am?' is she trying to tell me she's old enough to be my mom again? i clarify, 'like grandma food,' becuase i know there's no way she thinks she's old enough to be my grandmother. she asks what i eat. i say macaroni and cheese.

then she was looking through a magazine of normal stuff, and there was an ad with a bunch of girls in swimsuits. she shows it to me and then to nickolas, and then she points to a girl and jokes, 'she's hot.' she's not. she's probably the least hot of the bunch. and the tone of her voice makes it sound like she's joking... but still, terrie just said a girl was hot...

then terrie and this sort of new cashier, amanda, were standing by me while i was half-napping on the register. terrie asks what i do when i stay up so late at night. i consider that question. i write in here (but i'm not going to say that), i waste time doing nothing, i play playstation 2, and i play legos. i pick the shortest answer, and my 7-year-old says brightly, 'i play legos!' amanda laughs, and terrie does too, but then she says to amanda, 'you think she's joking? i know her; the scary thing is i believe her.' i try to defend myself, and say i have neat lego sets. terrie says sarcastically, 'i did too... when i was fourteen.' i'm too sleepy to be insulted.

rashid comes in at the time i leave. he takes over for me. he comes over and asks how the investigation's going. i tell him terrie's going to have kids. he says maybe she's bi. then he says maybe she's going to have a test tube baby and the way he says it makes me laugh. he goes over to check in with terrie, and as he's standing right in front of her, he calls over to me, 'hey, you never know!' we both laugh. the fact that he said this right in front of terrie makes it a whole lot more funny. i clock out, and then i go back over to him to give him the other evidence i've gathered. i tell him about the girls in the swimsuits, and we're joking and laughing about it and our 'top-secret' investigation, and terrie comes over and asks if i clocked out. i get defensive and put my hands up and say, 'i clocked out! i did!' she laughs and says 'that's all i asked,' like she wasn't accusing me or anything.

i go get my coat, and on my way back, terrie says, referring to my early shift, 'now that wasn't so bad... you have the whole day ahead of you.' i tell her it was bad, becuase i'm so tired that i'm going to sleep through the rest of the day. we argue (not meanly) about whether this is really so much different than my usual late shift, and she advises that i just take a power nap, so i don't lose my whole day. then i go by rashid on my way out, and he whispers, 'what'd she say???' i laugh and tell him, 'she said to take a nap.' he looks dissappointed. i tell him 'don't worry though. i'm keeping up the investigation...' he grins and gives me a 'secret' wink and we laugh and i leave. occasionally i feel slightly guilty that rashid and i are having so much fun speculating about terrie's personal life, but i get over it. it's just the two of us, and it's not hurting anybody, as far as i can tell...