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stupidfool
katie called and asked if i wanted to go play soccer with and her roommate and some other people i knew. i couldn't because molly and i had to work on homework because jack is fucking stupid. seriously. i know i said he was a genius, but i think i lied. he makes everything way more complicated than it needs to be, and has somehow managed to take up all the memory we have, so anytime we try to add anything, we get segmentation faults and everything stops. molly and i spent 5 hours in the lab today trying to fix the mess he made. he spent today recovering from a wicked hangover, and tonight he's going to do it again, leaving us to attmept to fix his stupid code tomorrow too. we are ready to give up on his over-complicated method and start from scratch... except for that it's supposed to take 4 weeks to code, and we have 4 days left. and jack won't answer us so we don't know if he plans on fixing it, or if he knows how to fix it... but we are out of ideas. and it fucking sucks.

then i went to the store with molly and cashed a paycheck. i was up at the service desk and teena was helping a customer. off to the side, tyrone was talking to terrie about christine and i couldn't hear except for to hear him say her name. and to say 'i was going to come back and tell you that day but.' and to say 'just went to like one movie and dinner together.' and i don't have a clue what he's talking about but i know it was christine and i miss christine so much that i can hardly stand it.

i went straight to rashid after i got my money, and he said terrie ignored liz today because prudy was there the whole time, and she instead stayed right with prudy, so terrie must like prudy better than liz. terrie is fucking hot. she spends entire shifts talking to a 16-year-old straight girl, and she hardly speaks to me.

marie was messing with me again, so i tried to throw some lettuce at her, and she wrestled me a little, and i hate myself when i'm around marie. i act like i'm 7. and i don't like her but anybody who was looking would think i do. i practically think i do, except for that i don't.

on my way out terrie said my name. then she asked why i was there. she saw me talk to rashid. i told her i was there to cash a paycheck but she probably thinks that the whole reason i came was to talk to rashid and she probably thinks i like him and that's frustrating too because i don't want her to think that. i want her to think i'm a lesbian. i want her to think i'm an attainable lesbian. or i want her to want to talk to me about it, like christine won't because christine is fucking gone. except i'm 7 around terrie too, so she probably thinks if i don't like rashid then i don't have a sexuality because what do 7-year-olds know about sex anyway?

it's a saturday night and look at me. i am fucking dull. i fucking hate this. katie and nikki and my friends ask me to do stuff during the day, but i'm always at work, pining after a lesbian who's in love with a straight girl, and hoping to see the most wonderful person in the world, who is most likely not ever coming back. and when i'm not there, i'm doing homework. and then i don't do stuff with them at night because night is when they go clubbing with guys and hang out with their boyfriends and even when they do girls night out, it's girls night out at a club where they dance with hot guys or watch movies starring hot guys and they know i don't enjoy that. but they still think i'm straight. and i still can't tell them i'm not because i am fucking stupid.

life is one huge chunk of frustration. i fucking hate everything.