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stupidfool
i wound up not going to nikki's. the friends from home who were supposed to get there early had gotten off to a late start, and they were going to be lucky to make it there in time for the party. i would be at work by then, and i didn't really want to walk all the way over there in the rain just to see nikki, when i could do that anytime. besides, she didn't really want to see me then either because she had a party to prepare for.

since i had woken up in time for that, i had some free time and jake saw me online and told my dad. so my dad called me up and lectured me a little about how i should go to school next quarter. then i talked to fly for a little. fly and my dad are coming down this weekend because fly is competing in a scholarship competition here. they want to see me. this is also the weekend that brandy and brooke are coming down. they said they wanted to see me, but brandy just informed me about 30 minutes ago that they've changed their plans, and now all the exciting stuff is happening friday (when i have to work), not saturday (when i don't have to work because i requested that day off because brandy told me they wanted to go out with me and jessica that day). so i don't know what's going on. brandy didn't seem to care so much.

then i went to work, and because of the sunday busses, i sat in the break room for a while. amit, jp, and monique were there. they sort of talked to me and i was 7. then taysha came in. monique, amit, and jp talked in one side of the room. taysha and i sat in silence in the other side. i couldn't think of anything to say to her, except for maybe 'i love your hair,' or 'i love your ass,' or 'fuck me please,' so i kept quiet.

marie and michelle were in the office when i went to get my drawer. i asked if i could have it, and marie answered 'no.' michelle silently went to get it. i politely turned to marie, and answered, 'thank you.' she smiled and said, 'i love you, loser.' just like christine always used to... it doesn't make me like marie any more. it just makes me miss christine. (i answered her by saying 'ok.' that's how i always answered christine too. becuase how do you reply to 'i love you,' if you don't want to say 'i love you too.'? i did love christine, but i wasn't going to say it. and i don't love marie. i'm pretty sure that i don't even like her...)

i was on self-check and taysha came over and asked if i could do her a huge favor. of course, i said yes, before i even bothered to find out what the favor was. she wanted me to ask dana if she could run self-check, and i would do a regular register. i didn't mind doing making the switch, but i didn't really want to ask dana because he gets upset when other people try to boss themselves around. he'd rather boss them around himself. but it's taysha... so i asked him and he gave me that i'm-better-than-you-how-dare-you-ask-me-that look, and then stood silent for a while, probably expecting me to say 'never mind,' and go away. but i just kept standing there, so finally he said coldly, 'i'll have to check with the office.' taysha and i waited a while, and then i made her go ask him what the office said, because i wasn't doing that twice. we ended up getting to switch, which made her happy, and if taysha's happy with it, then i'm happy.

i am pretty proud of myself. i used to never get to talk to taysha, unless liz was around. and i don't know if taysha's gotten better at talking to me, or if i've gotten better at talking to her, but this is three days in a row that i've talked to taysha. i wonder if taysha is straight... i wish i had better gay-dar...

i just realized something a little bad. tuesday morning, i have to wake up at 6. then wednesday, i have to wake up at 6 again. this would be ok, becuase i don't have to be too with-it to run self-check, and the people at work don't really mind if i'm sleepy. they're usually just amused. the problem is that after work on wednesday, i have to go take a midterm. i'm going to be exhausted... in a period of 3 days, i have to shift my bedtime back by 9 hours, and come out of it ready to take a midterm. i'm going to die...

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she smiled and said, 'i love you, loser.' just like christine always used to... it doesn't make me like marie any more. it just makes me miss christine. (i answered her by saying 'ok.' that's how i always answered christine too. becuase how do you reply to 'i love you,' if you don't want to say 'i love you too.'? i did love christine, but i wasn't going to say it. and i don't love marie. i'm pretty sure that i don't even like her...)


When ppl say "I love you" to me whether I love them with all my heart or whether I just like them a little the phrase is usually followed by silence until I can figure out something to effectively change the subject without it looking like I am doing so OR I end up going "oh uh...K" I am such a dweeb it's pathetic. The worst part, I do this even if I say I love you first when they say it back I go "er um...K" and my brain is going "Dude what the fuck am I supposed to do now? How do I feel about this love thing?"

*shaking head*

~Jay~

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