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hi guys. i think i might be a little bit abnormal, so i'm trying to get a feel for what normal is... i made this really easy for you. please comment if you have more to add--i'd love to hear from you--but if nothing else, just vote, ok?
and this is NOT about love for somebody sexually. when you're thinking about people, don't think about anybody you've ever slept with, or anybody you ever wanted to sleep with. that doesn't count...

Poll #1014409 love and affection

1. when you see your family for the first time in a little while, do you hug them?


2. if you answered yes to #1, why do you hug them?

because they hug me first
because it's the normal thing to do, in my family
because i'm excited to see them, and i want to hug them
other (explain in a comment, if you like)

3. when you see your friends for the first time in a little while, do you hug them?


4. if you answered yes to #3, why do you hug them?

because they hug me first
because it's the normal thing to do, in my group of friends
because i'm excited to see them, and i want to hug them
other (explain in a comment, if you like)

5. is there anybody that you would never even THINK of in a sexual way, but you like to cuddle with them?


6. have you ever kissed anybody (on the cheek or forehead or something) not for show, and not in a sexual way, but just because you loved them?


7. if yes to #6, have you ever done this to somebody who wasn't in your family?


8. do you think it's possible to think that somebody is amazingly beautiful--one of the most beautiful things you've ever seen--but to not be attracted to them?


9. if yes to #8, do you think it's possible to feel this way about somebody who's not in your family?


ok, thanks!

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i'm pretty huggy. my family is big on, "i love you". we're all very affectionate, actually.

yet omg, we can fight like cats and dogs. well, not so much me ... but everyone else. cats.and.DOGS.

also, there are some friends i hug and give kisses goodbye on the cheek to, some not at all, and many somewhere in between. depends on the friend.

of course, add a few drinks and then i want to hug everyone.

mine is exactly opposite
we avoid all contact ... and we rarely fight but we have great disdain for each other

ya know that show roseanne?

yeah, my family is a lot like that, except better looking and meaner.

its convinced me not to have a child ... so at least its not going to be contagious on my part.

Hey now I KNOW YOU HAVE SPAWN! You showed me.
Or was that a fake pic?
Damn everyone on the internet uses fake pics!

ha ... not really fake
that was me as a child

OMG, you truly are a scoundrel.
A very adorable as a child one, but a scoundrel indeed.

I don't really believe you.
You do have a son and he is one of the most amazing things that ever happened to you and hugging him lights up your days and heals your heart. And if you don't really have one, you will and he will be.

oh, me too! i think actually, i want to hug everybody in real life, because i love hugs, but i second-guess myself too much, and i'm too reserved. but you put a few drinks in me, and all those reservations go right out the window... i want to hug the WORLD!

i am fairly good at knowing who likes to be hugged and who doesn't.

except when i'm drunk. i'd probably hug a cactus when i'm drunk.

I would only hug extended family if I haven't seen them in awhile. I don't hug my mom and sister really. I kiss my mom goodbye everytime though.

Also, I'm the only one so far that thinks you can't think someone is beautiful without being attracted to them. I answered this assuming it was a member of the sex I'm attracted to though...
I could see easily thinking a woman is beautiful without attraction. A man...no.

yeah, i should have clarified that... i definitely meant a member of the sex you're attracted to. i know i can think a man is beautiful and not be attracted to him. it's the womem i'm not so sure about...

No a lot of touchy feely people in my 'circle' (more like a triangle but whatever)... I always get kind of awkward at that point. I'm not sure if THEY want to hug... or if they think it was weird.. or whatever so I hold off until they offer then it's all good.
With my family.. I don't know.. I hug them if I haven't seen them in awhile ... like the family in Key West.. And with most of them it's never like 'aww I've missed you, I love you!' hugs it's a 'hey.. hows it going..' pat pat thing.My Mom will hug me before each plane trip I take.. I think she assumes I'm never coming back though.

I think guys are 'beautiful'. Ewan McGregor for example. I think he's cute and funny and I wouldn't mind cuddling with him and letting him sing. But he'd get it in the gut if he tried anything.

Yay for polls.

yeah, that's my problem, mostly. i love hugs, but i get super awkward and afraid to even touch anybody, so i go around physically isolated from the entire world... probably unnecessarily so.

oh yeah, i can think a guy is beautiful and not be attracted to him, no problem. in the non-family part of that question, i meant (i should have clarified this) somebody of the sex you're normally attracted to. can you think a girl is beautiful and not have any desire to get with her, sexually? (i have no idea if i can or not, which is pretty much the point of this entire poll.)

Laughs. I would say Sandra Bullock or Emma Watson. While both of them blow my mind, I can't really imagine being with either of them. I think I'd consider myself a perve for having those kinds of thoughts about Emma.. I'd love to hang out with her.. even cuddle with her, but anything more than that'd and I'd probably weird out.. but who knows. Same with Sandra.. she makes me laugh so hard.. which is why I think she's so gorgeous.. but.. I wouldn't want to do anything with her.. though I don't know why... I think maybe it's because I can't imagine being with A LOT of girls.. simply because I have to know them and care enough about THEM first before really wanting them.. I think that's why going out and picking up a girl seems so damn weird to me..

About my answer to 2:

This one really depends on who it is. Some relatives I hug, some I don't. Sometimes it's awkward, or we're just not very close, so I don't.

My kindergartener came home and told me there are four things every living thing needs to survive, listing water, shelter, air and food. I said, oh no, there are five, we need love. Everyday now he gives me hugs and says here so you can live.

While it is true we don't need love to actually survive we do need it to thrive. I try to be generous with my affection and love because it does help others to thrive, resist sickness and feel connected.

When my eight year old was asked how do you know your parents love you, he said because every morning when I get up my Mom looks very happy to see me and always comes over to hug me. Upon hearing from a friend of him saying that he got a big kiss on top of a happy hug. This shows me that affection has a major impact within a family.

Teenage boys have a higher suicide rate than girls with the main reason being that they do not feel connected to family or friends. Among reasons listed why they feel this way is the older I get the less people touch or hug me. After reading that I have always hugged my teenagers with the whole of my heart. I rub their feet when trying to wake them, I put my hand on their shoulder when they want to talk privately, I scratch their backs when they are at the computer and I want to talk to them. I have found they are more likely to respond or look at me then than if I just stand at their door and talk. When we are watching a movie and our feet touch or shoulder lean against each other I never flinch. They don't either. They are pretty affectionate with each other and their closest friends are as well. I hope they feel connected because of this. I want them to know I love them even more now that they are older, not that they are less interesting or lovable than when they were little, rather those only got stronger as they got older. As men they are still going to see my eyes light up and receive my happy to see them hug.

My friends describe me as affectionate. They are often pleasantly taken aback because I am very honest when telling them how I feel or what I am thinking. You look so damn cute when you said that that my heart loved you even more. You can see something light up in peoples eyes when you take that step to expose your heart a little. I don't do this stuff all the time, just when it is effusive inside of me. My best friend once told me when I was feeling pretty shitty about myself that 'Your love is a very powerful thing to get, people are drawn to you because of it. They know when Deanna loves you you are truly loved.' I sat there laughing and crying and she said Are you laughing at me? I smiled a little and said, Not laughing, just loving you. It's just you. You make my heart sing. She started laughing and crying and said SEE! See what I mean! I started to believe her a little that I wasn't too bad of a friend and the things I say to my friends do have impact on them for good.

It is true, through my own experimentation and observation of the documented fact I read somewhere, that if you physically lightly touch someone you have just met they remember you better, give you better service, will describe your appearance more accurately when you have left and report feeling more positive about your impression of them.

Dude, all that great stuff and all you have to do is touch them. How much more powerful is a hug!

i LOVE affectionate people. i know for a fact that what you're saying is true about me. maybe not so much in a service setting (if my waitress touched me, i might think it was odd), but in a social setting, i always like the touchy-feely people, because i feel like they really like me, or like we have a connection.
i, on the other hand, am terrified to touch anybody (unless i'm drunk), even my close friends. i'm always worried that they'll think i'm trying to get fresh, or that it will weird them out, so even though i know that i like to be touched, i never touch anybody...

1 - by a little while i mean a couple of weeks. And I wouldnt hug ALL my family. Like, i would maybe hug my mum and dad, but not my brothers.

2 - My friends know I'm not a hugging person and neither are they really. But i hug different sets of friends because i know they are huggy people. Like most of the people i work with in the pub are huggy people, but my other friends aren't. And to answer no6 here as well, sometimes this hug accompanies a kiss on the cheek.

5 - yeah, everyone needs the non-sexual safety of a cuddle now and then. And to the last questions - yeah people can be objectively and you dont have to want to do stuff with them.

oh and hey, i can see pretty people and not want to hump them, but that doesn't mean i don't have a crush on them. i crush very easily, but it's not always sexual. essentially if i admire you, i have a crush on you.

cute (especially straight) girls, though? yeah i pretty much always want to hump them. it's harder for me to not feel sexually attracted to girls, even if i know i don't have a chance in HELL and therefore there's no real ... danger. but i still want to get in their pants.

it's easier for me to do the just friend thing with guys and consider them attractive but not want to get in their pants, but i feel infinitely more comfortable around them anyway, even if i HAVE had sex with them.

i'm such a dude.

yeah, i should have clarified that last question: what i really wanted to know was whether you can think somebody is beautiful but not want to get in their pants if they're of the sex you're normally attracted to. i can definitely think a man is beautiful and have no desire to get in his pants. as far as girls, though, i have no idea if that's possible for me, and it's really confusing me... hence the poll. :-)

I always hug my friends, we're all huggy people, but then it's wierd when you make a new friend & you want to hug them, but then you don't know if they're into hugging or not. i've been friends with this one guy for a little over a year & i still haven't hugged him because i'm afraid he'll think i'm a wierdo, but then again maybe he doesn't think i like him very much because i hug everyone else.
i might think too much about it.... lol

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