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stuff i feel like talking about that i skipped before:
the night before last, i was talking to molly and aaron. they didn't celebrate valentine's day at all. i fell off into the past, and i told them i remembered valentine's day last year. i worked, and it was back when ray still worked there. he wore a tux, and he said 'i always hope some hot young girls are going to come in here and say 'my, don't you look sharp today,' but only the old ladies make comments at all.' and i also remembered that teena and kristen had worked that night, and they had both bought a box of those valentines that little kids hand out, and they had given one to each person who worked. and christine hadn't worked, but she had come in, wearing big jeans and a football jersey, and kristen had asked her how her valentines day was, and she said it was no good. and now ray doesn't work there anymore because he quit. and kristen and christine don't work there anymore because they both did stupid things, and i wish good people didn't do such stupid things. molly said it sounded like i was getting deep, and maybe i should go to bed soon.

yesterday, i skipped half the butt story. the other half was that on break, i told jim all about the no-butt thing, and he paged terrie to ask her if he had a butt. she said he did, and he asked her to rate it. she said she'd have to see it for that, so when my break was over, he came up front with me to model his butt for her. she said it was probably a 10, and then asked if it was firm. he said yeah, and touched it, so she touched it and agreed. how come terrie didn't have to touch my ass to determine that i didn't have one? i am jealous...

i get jealous again when jim leaves for the night. it's his last night here. he comes up to say bye to everyone. me and molly are going to visit him sunday, but he still stops and talks to me for quite a while. then he goes up to say bye to terrie, and she gives him a big hug and he hugs her. and i'm jealous, of both of them. i want terrie to give me a hug because she is fucking hot. but i want jim to give me a hug too. just because he's jim, and he's nice, and i bet he'd be comfortable... and i want a hug... maybe he thinks i don't need one because i'll still see him. or maybe he's afraid ann will accuse him of harassment again if anybody sees... when i left for the summer, terrie didn't give me a hug. if i was leaving for good, i bet she wouldn't give me a hug. she didn't give liz one, though. i've never seen her hug a girl. she gave malik a hug once. (he wants her.) and now jim. but never a girl. i think i should be the first. she is hot.

i woke up early and brandy and brooke came over this morning. they wanted to see my legos and my walls, and they were very entertained. brandy actually got down on her knees and crawled around the city for a while. they were here for about an hour, and then they left. they wanted me to go with them (they were meeting jessica and going out to eat and see a movie with her), but i had kind of told my dad and sister that i would be here, and i wanted to see them too.

when they left, molly started talking about next year again. she's really excited... she was like this last year too. so was i, i guess, but now i asked her, 'don't you think it's bad that more than half the time, you're looking forward to next year, instead of just enjoying now?' she said she hadn't thought about that, but that i was right. she always thinks the next year is going to be the best. then she asked, 'but don't you?'
i said, 'no. i liked last year.'
she asked, 'why?'
i didn't know what to say. because christine was still there, is the answer. but i don't say it. i just say 'i don't know... everything was better then,' because it sort of was.
she asks, 'because christine still worked with you?'
i get scared. molly sometimes scares me. the last time i had even mentioned christine was on the night of the 14th, and that was a while ago... why does she know the answer? but i don't even hardly think before i just laugh and say, 'well, that's not exactly what i was thinking of, but i do miss that too,' and it sounds so real that i practically believe it's true.

my dad comes with fly. they look at my room, and say nothing about the stolen signs, or the millions of grocery store tags. they look at the people. fly asks why there are no white people on my walls. i find her a small picture of live and she asks if that's it, and it is. my dad says that's strange. then fly asks why alicia keys is on my wall. i say because she's a good singer. she starts to argue with that, but my dad says that that's a good reason to have somebody on your wall, because you admire their work, and maybe she's the one who's wrong in thinking that you can only put people on your walls if you think they're attractive. i know he's trying to convince himself that i don't think black guys are attractive, because he wants me to like white guys. and i think my sister is trying to convince herself that i don't think alicia keys is attractive. i don't like this situation, and molly saves me (coincidence?) by saying that they should see what we've done with the main room, and leading them out of my room.

we go out to lunch (me, molly, fly and my dad), and he pays for all of us. i like getting a free lunch and i also like the chance to talk to them when we're not in my room. my sister's going to a banquet (i went to it when i was in high school), and she asks me what it was like, and all i can remember is that they served grown-up type food. my dad says i need to stop calling it that, because i am a grown-up. other than that, though, it was a peaceful lunch.

he dropped molly and me off, and they left to go back home. we went grocery shopping because it was the last day of the current sales, and we wanted to get some stuff before it went off sale. we went through rashid's line, and he told me that he asked prudy again today, and she told him to shut up. and then he said prudy was going out tonight with the kid from produce, and i knew which one he meant, and said he had a girlfriend. rashid said prudy didn't care. i said 'next thing you know, it'll be terrie...' we exchange a look, and then we both glance over at terrie. then he asks molly, 'so, you two live together?' molly says yeah and i tell him to shut up because i know what he's trying to say. he teases me about that for a little, and molly is lost. and then we try to figure out the name of the place that liz is working at now, and we say jim will go there with terrie to visit liz. when we're done, molly and i head out, and molly tells me that rashid and i speak our own language and we live in our own little world. it's a little true. we spend half our time speaking with looks. like yesterday, he was bagging for liz, and i would toss him a look that he knew meant to ask her about terrie, and he would look at me back, and i knew it meant that he didn't want to. then my look would say do it anyway, and his look would say you do it. and then he came down to discuss it with me, but even then we spoke in code. he thinks just like me... i think i was right when i said we shared the same brain...

on my way out, i passed terrie and taysha. terrie was facing me. taysha wasn't. i made a point of staring at taysha's back, hoping that terrie would notice and think i like girls, not rashid. except for if i knew for sure that she thought that, i would get scared.

i came back home and molly stayed to work. alana and her boyfriend came over, and i played trivial pursuit with them and lauren. after we all had a pie piece, i made them take a break and go get some ice cream with me. and after we all got another pie piece, i took another break to play a game of darts with myself while they watched. then we each got another pie piece, but by then it was after midnight and they were ready for bed and i was just sick of the game, so we declared it a 4-way tie and quit. we are not smart enough for that game.

i'm tired. tomorrow nobody's coming to visit and i get to sleep in a little. i need it.