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background information: one of molly's teammates, alex (a girl), knew christine because they were in a class together, and i guess they talked a bit and got to be pretty good friends. after the class ended though, they lost contact with each other. when alex found out where molly worked, she asked if molly knew christine. molly did, and alex said to tell her she said hello. 1 day later, christine got fired. molly never saw christine to tell her that alex said hello, but alex started coming into the store, and molly introduced us. alex looks like a lesbian. molly reassures me that she's not, she just looks that way.

the highlight of my day (when terrie and i had something to talk about): i was a minute late clocking in, and since anthony had to go home right on time, terrie was running self-check. some lady was finishing up, and she had a stack of about 15 coupons. none of them would ring up automatically, so terrie would check with the woman-'did you buy two boxes of cereal?' or 'are you sure you bought oreos?'-and the woman would say 'yes, i'm sure. those coupons never work,' so terrie manually overrided (overrode?) them, one by one. not one rang up right. when she finally got to the last coupon, and it didn't work either, she went over to look at the lady's groceries, and she hadn't bought it. or the coupon before it. or the one before that. out of the 15 coupons, she hadn't bought the right things to use any of them. terrie was mad. she came back up to the desk, turned to me, and said (loud enough for the lady to hear), 'she fucking lied to me. did you hear that? yeah, i bought cereal. yeah, i bought oreos. she didn't buy any of that. fucking liar,' and then she went to void off the coupons. she was so mad that she was having trouble getting the coupons to come off right (sometimes it's not easy), and when she had about 5 left, she tossed them to me, and said, 'here, take these off. i'm sick of this,' and stormed away to finish getting together the returns. so i took off the coupons and the lady was mad at terrie and me (by association, i guess). she says 'she was too busy being all mad about my coupons and she forgot about my stamps. i need stamps,' in this voice that makes me want to hide. so i ring her up for stamps, and give them to her. she pays and leaves to complain to the manager about who knows what.
about 5 minutes later, terrie comes over to me and asks if i saw all that, and if she did anything wrong. i say no, because really, she didn't. it's probably not polite to call somebody a liar, but this lady was a liar. one or two coupons could be a mistake. but 15? you're either stupid and blind, or you're a liar. she said 'good, because i have to go upstairs and talk to the manager,' and then she stomps upstairs. i guess the lady had heard this, because she comes up to me and says in the same scary voice, 'i'd like you to know that she did do something wrong. she charged me for my stamps twice, because she was so worried about my coupons.' i look at her reciept and the stamps are on there twice, but once was me. terrie charged her and didn't give them to her (because we can't get them until the order ends and we open our drawer), and then when the lady yelled at me about stamps, i just figured she wanted to buy some. i hadn't been there when terrie had put them on the first time. so i sent the lady up to customer service, and thought maybe i should tell terrie (or whoever was yelling at terrie) what the problem was. since i didn't know who was yelling at her, i just called terrie, and told her, and she asked if i was sure that was why the lady was mad, and i said yeah. she thanked me, and when she came downstairs a few minutes later, she told me as she walked by, 'it's cool.' (the old lady standing by me then proceeded to agree with her-'why, she's right. it is chilly in here! why don't you turn the heat up? i always have to wear my coat when i shop here!' this amused me a lot...)

prudy was there, so that was all i saw of terrie. when prudy left for the day (her and terrie worked the same shift, because terrie made the schedule), she said bye to terrie. terrie told her to wait, and she would leave with her. prudy got impatient and started counting down while she stood by the door, so terrie didn't go get her stuff from the desk. she just told teena quietly, as she rushed by, that she'd be back, and went over to prudy. 15 minutes later, she came back, got her stuff, and left for real. it is amusing and frustrating that terrie leaves twice, once for a straight girl half her age, and once for herself.

marie ignored me.

billie came in, to shop. she had her baby, and since she was pregnant last time i saw her, i got confused. (i think i have mental problems, because this happens to me all the time. i expect time to just stop, like things don't change if i'm not watching them. like i go into the bathroom and ann's getting a drink, and when i'm walking out of the bathroom 5 minutes later, i'm honestly surprised that ann's not at the drinking fountain any more.) i asked in shock, 'is that a baby???' she said yeah. my surprised 7-year-old said, 'wow... it exists on the outside of you now!' she smiled and made quite an effort to keep from laughing, but was unsuccessful. i think i would like it a lot better if people laughed at me because i'm funny, instead of because i'm weird. that doesn't happen because i'm not really funny, mostly just weird.

molly came in for the night, came over to me, and asked, 'did you see christine?'
i don't think there are words to explain my reaction to that. everything inside me went insane. fireworks went off in my head and volcanoes exploded in my stomach and i felt high. high, like i was hanging from the ceiling. i was excited and scared and nervous and thrilled and, most of all, ready. i knew what i wanted to say to her. i was ready to see christine. i asked, 'where?'
molly answered, 'here.'
'she's here?'
'she was.'
'no, no, not now. a while ago. i just thought maybe you had seen her, when she was in earlier.'
i sunk. volcanoes and fireworks and everything stopped and i froze. i wanted to scream and kick and break things, and then sink into the floor, under the floor even, and curl up in a little ball and cry myself to sleep, and i didn't want to ever wake up.
i wait a minute, to make sure that she won't be able to hear tears in my voice, and then ask, 'how do you know she was here before?'
she answers, 'alex told me. she saw her here.'
'but ann is here,' i protest.
she agrees. 'i know. i wondered how that was possible, but i saw alex about an hour ago, and she said she saw christine here earlier today.'
'alex was here?'
'yeah, earlier.'
'how much earlier?'
'i don't know.'
'i have no idea. she said she might come back again later.'
i'm back on the ceiling again. 'christine?!?!?!?!'
'no, alex. i didn't talk to christine, just alex.'
fuck... reality sinks in. she was here, and i missed her. either i was on break, or she was here before i got here... i could have seen christine, here, today, but i didn't. this is worse than thinking that i see her car... this is worse than wishing, or just hoping. i was so fucking close to seeing her, and i didn't. what can i do? do i have to camp here? i honestly consider that idea... i could just get here early, and sit outside and do homework all morning, keeping an eye on the parking lot. then i could come in and work... and on my days off, i could still sit at the bench, watching the parking lot. or i could sit in my corner, so people probably wouldn't notice me, and i could just watch for her. how could she come in the middle of the day? and i'm getting my hopes up again. i remember back when she was allowed to come here, and she'd come in with her girlfriend, her visits would come in twos. once in the morning/afternoon, and once later at night. all night, my hopes are up. she doesn't come...

i guess it's good to know that she's still here sometimes, so there's still a chance that i'll see her. but i don't even know if that's good anymore. when i start to believe that she's not coming, that's when i can stop thinking about it so much, and start coming up with plan b. thinking that she's going to come is practically a step backwards. i don't know... i miss her so bad... it's worse now than it's been in a long time. i fucking hate this.

i have a ton to do for school. but molly works tomorrow night, so she won't be home, and she won't notice if i leave to go to the grocery store. i can't go inside, or she could see me, but i can go for that hour, and i'll come after molly and leave before molly. hopefully, nobody will even notice me, except for christine... and christine will come... because she came today... it hurts.