?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
(no subject)
stupidfool
up until now, i've done nothing but work on the stupid project. it's not done, but it's up to jack and ying now. i've done way more than my fair share, and i'm sick of it. blah.

on a brighter note, it's supposed to be nice tomorrow. this means i will be able to sit outside on my break, to wait for christine... and christine will come. she will. i can't decide if i should try to set my own break time, or if i should just let it happen, and figure it will all work out... terrie's in charge, and i know if i asked, she'd give me a break when i wanted it, because i never ask for anything, and she'd know that if i was asking, it was important to me. i think i'm going to wait til tomorrow, when i get there and see when my break's supposed to be, and then i'll decide.
i've been practicing again, because this is the last chance i'll get. i've had a million conversations with her in my head, but i know that if i pick the perfect one, and plan on having it, then no matter how well it actually goes, i'll be disappointed when it wasn't exactly like i had planned it. so i've decided that i have a lot of things i could potentially say to her, but i only have two real goals:
first, talk to her about coming out. right now, i'm thinking a good way to get into that (if she doesn't make it easy by bringing it up) would be to ask 'when you told jim what you told jim about me, how did you say it?' as long as she's not in a hurry or in a bad mood, she's going to know that i wouldn't ask that question for no reason, and we'll be able to talk about it.
second (provided that the first one actually happens), thank her. that's important, because i'm stupid about that, and i always forget. i remember to say thank you when it's not needed, and i'm too polite when it doesn't matter. i thank every customer. when anybody hands me anything, i say thank you. thanking people for little things is a habit. but when i'm actually grateful for something, i can't ever say it. if i ever owed anybody a thank you, it's her. and if i can, i'd like to make sure she knows that the thank you is not just for whatever she says today, but for everything... for not letting me run away from the store, for telling jim, for telling me to stay in school, and just for caring about me...
and that's it. it will go ok, and i will be ok. tomorrow, things will work out.