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by the time lauren's drunk friends left last night, i got 5 hours of sleep last night, which wouldn't be so bad if i didn't have to be awake by 5:45 tomorrow morning...

i went to class, went job hunting (i now have a huge pile of applications to fill out), skipped a class, and went home.

we got there and found fly and tara and went out to eat with them. from there, tara left for a concert and fly, nikki, and i went to the hospital to visit nikki's sister (lisa) and her new baby. we got to the hospital and nikki brought her camera in and we got into the room, where lisa and the baby were, and all of a sudden, christine took over my mind. i hadn't ever imagined that new babies would be associated with christine in my mind, but here we were and here she was. it just went downhill from there. i miss christine... when lisa held the baby, i thought 'that's like christine's sister holding the baby,' and when nikki held the baby, i thought, 'that's how christine would be,' and when nikki's mom held the baby, it was christine's mom. when nikki slid the baby's hat on her head, i imagined christine doing the same thing to her niece... when the nurse pokes her head in to see if everything's ok, i wonder if christine ever saw this same thing happen to her sister... every time the camera clicked, i saw a picture from the christine's pile of pictures, that she had handed to me in the lobby, and told me i could look... and when nikki says how she wants to come home every weekend, so she doesn't miss a thing, i remember christine, saying how she used to go home every weekend after the baby was born, but then her parents got mad at her again, over the whole rice girl thing...
i like the baby. i'm glad lisa is ok. it's funny to see her poking her stomach, and complaining about how it will never go away... and all the smiling faces and the cute baby should just make me happy... but i can't be happy about all that because the fact that nikki's sister had a baby makes me think of christine, and christine is gone, and that makes me sad. i am fucked up. there's something wrong with my head when i can't even forget christine just enough to be happy for nikki and lisa and the baby...