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it's now been 9 days without a restart for my poor computer, and i feel its pain because if it hasn't been 9 days since i've had a good night's sleep, it sure feels like it.

i meant to do a lot today. i ended up doing laundry, getting my paycheck, cleaning up a little bit, playing soccer, and wasting a lot of time.

the only one of those things worth expanding on is the playing soccer part. i'm in this engineering society (because it was cheap and it looks good on scholarship applications and other things looking for involvement). i don't ever go to meetings, but they sent out an email asking if anybody was interested in playing co-ed intramural soccer. molly and i signed up. the games haven't started yet, but today they decided to get together and scrimmage for fun. molly couldn't make it, but since i had the day off work, i went. i didn't know anybody there. i hate not knowing anybody. when i'm with a bunch of girls i don't know, generally, i'm a little quiet and a little 7. when i'm with a bunch of guys i don't know, generally, i'm a little quiet and a little 20. when i'm with a combination of girls and guys that i don't know, 7 and 20 get lost in each other, turn into nothing, and i'm nothing but quiet. so we played soccer and they talked and laughed and joked because it was hardly a game. it was casual and there was no out-of-bounds, and nobody kept score. we just played. i said maybe two words the whole time. being quiet made me un-interesting, and it didn't help any that i played probably the worst game of soccer i've ever played in my life. i think all i did was pass the ball to the other team about 80 times, and let a few people dribble right around me and into the goal... i was about an ounce better than the tall blonde girl who had never played before. nobody really cared, but still... soccer is fun, but i wish i had known the people, or been able to deal better with not knowing them... i wish i could deal better with not knowing people in general. lauren meets people in her classes. i don't. lauren meets people everywhere she goes. i don't. i can't talk by myself, and nobody's interested in talking to a quiet nobody. except for jim, but that's only because he thought i was hot. and except for christine... because she's special... because she's christine... i miss my christine...


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