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lauren and i went to taco bell this morning. it was breakfast for me and lunch for her. i've been seeing a lot more of lauren lately, and i'm not sure why, but i don't mind. besides talking a little too much, she's cool. the other night, she was watching friends (which i don't watch), and she was explaining to me that ross used to be married and then they got divorced because his wife was a lesbian. this topic is coming up more and more... and lauren is fine with it... and alana and her boyfriend are fine with it... this tuesday is another real world party. how about i come out to them then?

i took molly's car to work (she's gone for the weekend) and i clocked in 4 minutes late. when i went to get my drawer, marie was telling jane how she heard they were going to fire me because i was 5 minutes late, and then she gave me a dirty look. i felt guilty and told her i was sorry. terrie, who was at the counter, called over, 'aww, leave her alone. she's in 5 minutes early every other day, and that more than makes up for this.' marie shrugged and said she was just kidding... terrie stuck up for me???! i must be dreaming... maybe she got confused and thought i was prudy...

when marie gave me my drawer, she called me 'darling.' i felt like a cowgirl.

shay didn't show up again today. even marie has run out of excuses for her. all she could say was, 'i think maybe she quit.'

marie had to run register, one behind me. she kept asking everybody what they were doing today, and after she asked jeff and i listened, she asked if i even knew what she was talking about. i said yeah. she didn't believe me. i said, 'it's 4-20.' she still doesn't ask me if i'm doing anything special. trent comes in later, and she asks him, and he says he's doing nothing special because he needs to use his mind and body for other things and drugs don't fit into that picture. she just rolled her eyes and said sure... jeff is celebrating 4-20 with marie. jeff bags for marie and i listen to them joke about the party they're going to go to, and argue over who's going to use what, and all this stuff... i'm jealous. i remember back when i used to think like trent. now i just want to go celebrate 4-20 with marie. get a little high or get a little drunk or get a little naked... i'm jealous of jeff...

justin quit. he didn't give them any advanced notice or anything. he just called and said he wouldn't be in today or ever again because he got a better job. i'm going to miss him... out of all the people i enjoy working with (for non-sexual reasons), he is probably my favorite. maybe even over rashid, because half the reason i enjoy rashid so much is just because he thinks terrie's as hot as i think she is.

i tell taysha that justin quit, and she's upset too. she says with him gone, me and her brother are the only dumb-dumbs left, and that when she quits, there won't be anybody left to call me dumb-dumb, because her brother sure won't do it. i figured she meant when she quit, like a long time from now, but later, she says something else about quitting that makes it seem like it would be soon. i ask when she's quitting, and she says may 4th is her last day. that's soon! i go crazy, and tell her she can't quit and i'll never forgive her and she just laughs... she's seriously quitting. she doesn't have another job; she's just sick of this one. taysha quitting is bad... first, i'm going to miss her body because she is fine... also, with her gone, i'm only going to have marie and terrie to obsess over, and i think that's going to suck. and finally, i'm really going to miss her because we have fun. i don't want her to quit... i want to know if she's straight before she goes, so i won't feel like i've missed an opportunity. how do you figure that out without asking?

amit told nickolas that taysha was a minor and he didn't believe him, so he asked taysha. taysha agreed, and he didn't believe her, so he asked me. i told him she was 16. he said he thought she was in college. i corrected, 'high school.' he asked if i was sure she wasn't 18. i said, 'she won't even be 17 until june.' he answered, 'girl, she don't have the body of no minor!' i laughed... it was the first time i'd ever heard him say anything about any girl's body... of course, since he said it in that girly voice, with his hands flapping gay-boy-style, it didn't really mean a whole lot to me.

all the cashiers went home except for me, taysha, and alyssa. taysha had never seen me in the baby seat of a cart, and alyssa was telling her all about it, so they made me do it again. taysha pushed me all around and then she sent me flying into alyssa, who sent me flying back to taysha. i had fun. taysha refused to try because she claimed she'd get stuck, but she hung over the front and had me pull her around fast. then i got in the main part and her and alyssa pushed me around some more. we had fun... a shopping cart is good entertainment. yeah, that's right, i'm not jealous of marie because she's not getting to play with a shopping cart... aurgh.

taysha's brother (he's older) speaks another language (french, i think). he has an accent when he speaks english, but he speaks french like a pro. because taysha speaks english without an accent, i never really considered that she could speak french too... but her mom came in to pick her up today, and said something to her in french, and taysha answered and, DAMN, does french sound sexy coming out of her mouth... is it bad to think that about a 16-year-old?

at home, molly is still gone. alana went to visit a friend in pennsylvania this weekend. lauren is already asleep. i am bored out of my mind. i think i have become the most boring person in the world. i wonder what marie's doing right now...

oh, i gave myself a user pic. that's my hand. can't put my face, because what if molly or somebody i know were to find this page and see my face and figure out all this before i tell them (in other words, because i'm paranoid). i figure my hand is next best, right?