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stupidfool
i went to women's studies. we did the whole discrimination/minorities thing again, because that's basically what the entire class is about. we touched on the subject of homosexuality, and i was again amazed. everybody is so open-minded and accepting... it makes me wonder if i'm being dumb, like the little kid and the monster under the bed, scared of something that doesn't exist. do i even have a reason to fear coming out?

i came back here and talked to brandy between classes. in a few weeks or a month or sometime, she's coming up with brooke again, to visit jessica... only this time, they're bringing holly! i told her they had to come visit me, and she said they would. i said she had to tell me in advance, but i bet she won't... with them, it's always last minute... holly is coming! i could get to see holly! i miss holly... but it's a healthy kind of miss. that phrase-'at least you have your memories'-holly makes that make sense. i miss her, but it's not painful. i miss christine and it's still hurting today... i worry though, because i have two jobs now. i think i didn't think that through very well... i will be working every single night of every single week, 3-11. i have no days off... sure, theoretically, i have time to do homework, but really, i'll wind up doing it at night, after i get off work at 11, every night... i have no time for fun and no time for my toys. i have no time to get involved in anything, if i ever wanted to. and i am going to have a very hard time getting to see holly, without calling off of at least one day of work at one of the jobs. AND, to top it all off, i lose a day with marie (friday). she only works fri, sat, sun (and some wednesdays), and i just gave up my fridays. that should be the least of my worries. it's not.

i finally stopped talking to brandy and did most of my homework. i did the rest in class, and turned it in at the end. then i met molly in the next class, left my bag with her, and left class for nearly 45 minutes. i had a nice lunch and got back just in time for the quiz.

i stopped in at udf to make sure everything was ok with my schedule, and the manager asked, 'wait, you're a minor, right?'
i told her i wasn't, and she asked how old i was. i said twenty.
she stared at me in amazement and told me, 'you don't look a day over fifteen!' then she noticed the look on my face and added, 'it's a good thing... really... some day, you'll appreciate that...'
fifteen? i don't look fifteen...

marie was at work today. anthony was arm-wrestling me again, and marie wanted to try. i tugged and pulled and couldn't get her arm to go anywhere, but she couldn't move mine either. (i got the feeling she could have, and was just faking it, but i can't prove it and i don't know why she wouldn't want to win.) i didn't mind, because it meant i got to hang on to her hand for longer.

anthony said i was 'the growndest corniest person i've met.' i'm pretty sure that's not a good thing.

a guy tried to steal 2 packs of cigarettes. they caught him and he screamed and they screamed and it was a big huge scene. everybody stared... and i had to repeat the entire story for about a million people-workers and customers. so i'm going to skip it now.

helen asked me to switch with her, so she could leave an hour early. i said sure. we went up to run it by marie and teena. molly came too. i leaned in the little doorway and marie came out to talk to us. they said i could stay the extra hour, but helen could only leave a half hour early, because they wanted me doing the stuff justin would have done for that half hour. marie said, 'like get carts.'
i complained, 'awww, it's hot out there...'
marie reached out her hand and touched my face. she smiled as she ran her fingertips lightly over my cheek, and said sweetly, 'thank you.'
i love her hand on my face... she did that on purpose. she's too fucking clever... she knows there's no way i'll argue with her as long as she can make me feel like that...