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stupidfool
josephine paid me back more yesterday. i think i forgot to say that.

i woke up early and went up to the training class. i ate a lot of ice cream there. it was dull, except for that the bathroom had a full-length mirror. i was the only girl in the training class, so on both breaks, i had the bathroom to myself, and nobody could see me walking. i walked towards the mirror and back, over and over and over. i think i might walk a little like a lesbian. i think there's a little too much toughness in my walk to look straight. i'm not tough, not by any means, but there's just that little bit, just enough that if you were looking to see if i walked like a lesbian, you might decide that i do. so then i practiced walking straight. i could get the lesbian out of my walk when i paid attention to how i was walking, and made sure to step carefully and hold my shoulders back. it felt funny but i guess it looked more normal. this brought me to a bit of a dilemma-should i walk normally, or should i attempt to walk 'straight'? it seems like i should just walk how it comes naturally, but i find myself purposefully straightening out. i think that's ok too, because it's not like walking straight is denying who i am... i'm sure lots of lesbians walk straight. it's only denying how i walk, which is nothing. i wonder how i wound up walking like a lesbian in the first place... i wonder how long i've been walking like a lesbian... i wonder why nobody has ever brought it up before... it mustn't be that obvious, if you're not looking for it...

when i got back, jim was supposed to come over, but peter had called and said i had to work tonight. i thought i had straightened it all out monday, but evidently somebody hadn't passed some message along... and jim wasn't back from work yet, so i went in to work.

when i got back, lauren had talked to jim, so i called him and we talked a while. we were both watching tv (i was watching the real world with lauren, alana, and her boyfriend and he was watching charmed) and i told him that my early class was tomorrow, so he decided that we could just watch it some other night this week. i have thursday night and friday night off. he's going to tell me later, when he figures out when he's moving.

i have a headache and a stomachache and i'm tired. i wish christine was here. that's all.