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things are back to normal. it seems again like terrie hates me. the reason i know this:

we got a new cashier. his name is amit and he is friends with amit. so now we have a new amit and an old amit. terrie was training new amit. she told him you can get up to $40 cash back off a debit card. i always told everybody $50, and i got scared i had been doing it wrong all along, so i asked, 'really?'
she looked at me, but didn't answer, so i offered, 'i thought it was 50.'
she said it was.
then later, she was on self-check and i was wandering by. i overheard her tell a lady that we're not supposed to use the button for big items, and that you're just supposed to scan them like any other item. nobody had ever told me that, but i know terrie knows more about self-check than me, so after the lady left, i asked her, 'we're not supposed to use that button?'
she said we are allowed to use it for a big item, but this lady's stuff wasn't big. i said ok.
a few minutes later, she came over, when i was standing with molly and prudy, and said, 'you know what, loser? if you see me doing anything else wrong, make sure you let me know, ok?'
i stared at her.
she said, 'because that's twice today. thanks for helping me out. i wouldn't want to do anything wrong, so just let me know, ok?'
i just stared some more. she sounded completely serious, but i had a feeling that she wasn't.
i collected opinions. prudy thought she was serious. molly said she can't ever tell when terrie is serious. i had a feeling that what terrie was trying to convey was that she hated me...

a lot later, i was putting a cart back, and terrie chased down some lady who had forgotten her reciept. we were walking back inside together, and she asked me, 'was that ok? is it ok that i chased her down, or should i have handled it differently?'
now i knew she hated me. i told her truthfully, 'no, i don't care what you do. it's fine that you chased her. that's ok.'
she said, 'good. i'm glad i have your approval.'
if i could speak properly, i would explain that i wasn't ever trying to correct her. it's just that based on what she said, i thought i had been doing something wrong, and i wanted to correct myself. she's fine how she is. she can do what she wants... but i didn't even attempt to explain. first of all, she had already walked away, and secondly, i knew it would come out wrong. funny or 7 or just plain wrong...

when it was time for my last break, she just pulled a cart in front of my lane, and had me leave it open, so if ann checked, she would think it was open (we were supposed to have all the lanes open). i asked if she wanted me to leave my drawer in, and she said yes. then she added, 'i know it's against the rules,' like she thought i was about to tell her that, and she was just saving me the trouble.
i was frustrated. i exclaimed, in a slightly whiney voice, 'i don't care if you break the rules!'
she either didn't hear me or chose not to acknowlege me.

yeah, she fucking hates me... trust... she fucking hates me...

i have a day off next week. instead of my usual 5 days, i only have 4... rashid said we should go see spiderman on my day off. i mumbled nonsense, but later i told him i was going to ask jane if i could get in some hours that day if somebody called off... i don't want to see spiderman at all. i would see it with him, just because i like him, if i weren't so scared that it would seem like a date to him... i miss out on a lot because i'm scared of leading guys on...

when jane left for the day, she asked me about my schedule for next quarter, and then said she had talked to ann, and they were going to find a time to train me in the office. i reacted with surprise, and she asked if i still wanted to. for the first time in my life, i managed to give the proper answer, without the help of molly. i said yes. she said good, they'd find a time.

somebody called off, and terrie asked me if i wanted overtime. i said ok. she asked if i could stay an extra 3 hours. i said ok. she asked 'really?' and when i said yeah, she was happy. but she probably still hated me...

i remembered, about 9 hours into my 11-hour shift, that i have a midterm tomorrow that i still hadn't studied for. if i leave when i told terrie i'd leave, by the time i get home, i'd only get 8 hours of sleep if i went to bed the second i got there... and that's not allowing any time to study or anything... plus, i was tired. 8 hours is a long enough shift... amit and alyssa felt bad for me, so we ended up working something out where alyssa stayed a half hour later than she was scheduled, and closed self-check a little early, and i got to leave an hour early. so i got home, studied a little, did this because i'm addicted, and now i'm going to bed. i hope i studied enough... i can't have me failing another midterm.

oh p.s. brandy (who is online) just informed me that she is coming to visit this weekend, probably with holly... i have to work. i am going to miss holly. i feel very charlie brown.